


A humble request to the pianist

by TuppingLiberty



Series: Tupping Liberty's prompt ficlet series [10]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Enthusiastic Consent, Explicit Consent, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Violence, Pegging, Poe has some pretty extreme characteristics because of PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Strap-Ons, Tattoo Kink, Trans Character, Transphobia, Vaginal Sex, Vibrators, pianist!Finn, remote vibrator, servicedog!bb8, trans!Finn, transphobic slur, veteran!Poe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-08-15 08:27:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8049292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuppingLiberty/pseuds/TuppingLiberty
Summary: Chapter 1 originally appeared in my "I don't know how to say no to this" fic. It's based on this tumblr post: http://animalasaysrauer.tumblr.com/post/149686666311/philomath-x-lemonsharks-classicstarlite   - a pianist in an apartment building worries that the note that gets slipped under their door will be a noise complaint, but instead, it's a request for a song.Please make sure to read the warnings; while sweet, the subject matter certainly isn't light.Chapter 2 on is new content. I have to be in a particular mindset to write this, so I'm not sure how often I'll update (hence the "Complete" tag). I'm not done with it, but there's also no overarching story with these boys. Just them being sweet, and soft, and together, and getting through life's ups and downs.





	1. Liebestraum no. 3 in A flat

Poe glanced at his watch anxiously and tapped his foot as he waited to buy his groceries. Several other people in the store glanced at him nervously, which was probably because of the hoodie, although likely they’d be even more nervous if they saw his face without it. Lou, the proprietor, knew him, though, and wouldn’t give him any trouble about hiding his face. Sensing her master’s anxiety, BB-8 pressed into Poe’s leg, and Poe reached down to give the German Shepherd a pat. If the hoodie didn’t make people give Poe a wide berth, the big, gorgeous dog in her service vest normally did. He glanced at his watch again, feeling anxiety kick up in him. He didn’t want to miss practice time. He had a schedule and these _people_ with their _groceries_ were about to fuck it up, and when his schedule got fucked up-

“Poe, I can help you over here.” The voice broke into his thoughts, and Poe glanced over to see that Lou himself had opened another lane. Quiet relief broke through him.

He placed the basket up on the belt and nodded at Lou. “Thanks, man,” he said, his voice gruff with disuse. His voice pretty much always sounded like that nowadays, since he mostly just talked to BB-8, and his therapist Rosie, and sometimes, at the group.

“Nasty weather outside. You want, I can call a cab for ya. My treat for my most loyal customer, and her master,” Lou joked, winking at the pair of them.

He heard Rosie in his head, telling him that it was okay that people cared about him. “No, but thanks, Lou. I’ll be fine. Just need to get home, you know. Practice. 6:30.”

“Right, right.” Lou finished the transaction and handed Poe the cloth bag. “See you in two days, right, Poe?” Lou always asked him now, when he could. Ever since the time eight months back when Poe hadn’t shown up for his groceries. It had been a Wednesday; he shaved his head and his face every Wednesday at 9am. The hospital hadn't let him shave after that Wednesday, not for a good long while.

“Right.” He hooked the bag over his shoulder, gripped BB-8’s leash, and walked out into the rain.

When he stepped off of the elevator and up to his apartment, part of him relaxed because the hallway was completely silent. He hadn’t missed it, then.

He shucked off the hoodie, scrubbing a hand over his shaved head. The curls that had grown out in the hospital had been weird looking to Poe, growing in at strange angles and doing nothing to cover the scarring. Now that he was on his own, though, he shaved every Wednesday at 9am.

He opened the can of soup into a bowl and set it going in the microwave, then put a scoop of food down for BB-8, who started scarfing immediately. “Good girl,” he murmured absently.

He thought he heard the door to the apartment above him close, and his heart thudded a little in anticipation.

He grabbed the bowl from the microwave, cursing under his breath when he burned himself, and picked it up with a towel, instead. He carried it to the couch and set it on a TV tray, then waited. He didn’t have to wait long before the sound started drifting down. Whoever the pianist was, they practiced almost every day between 6:30 and 7. They’d never, since moving above Poe, missed more than one weekday in a row. Weekends were frustratingly unschedulable; Poe worried that if he left the apartment on a weekend day, he would miss the practice. His therapist had frowned when he’d told her that he’d taken to making sure he was stocked up for the weekend on Friday, just in case he couldn't leave.

He couldn’t help himself. The idea of missing the sweet, deep tones of the piano coming through his ceiling was a thought he wasn’t truly able to deal with completely. Rosie had finally conceded him the use of this mental crutch, for now, with the promise that they’d talk about it again, and find a way to help Poe deal with the inevitable cessation of the music.

The pianist - Poe knew nothing of their age or gender - must have moved in when Poe had been in the hospital. Serendipitously, the first morning after Poe had been deemed safe to release back to his own care, a Sunday, Poe had woken in a near panic when he’d realized he’d slept in past his normal schedule. He’d been comforting himself with the words of his therapist, that new drugs always took awhile to get accustomed to, and his schedule would have to adjust for awhile. He’d buried his hands in BB-8’s fur, willing himself to relax. Then, the first tinkling sounds came down through the ceiling. _Chopin. Nocturne 20._ Poe had closed his eyes, appreciating the music, the way it was played so lovingly. Between the Chopin and BB-8, he was completely soothed.

Poe was even happier to discover the evening practices. Evenings were the worst. Everything was darker, in his head and outside of it, in the evening. The anxiety seemed to rise within him, until it was clawing at his throat to get out. It had been the morning after a particularly bad evening when he'd-

He spent most evenings with as much of BB-8 as he could fit in his lap, watching TV to take his mind off of everything.

Until the practice started.

Now evenings were the highlight of his day. Everything centered around Poe being home to make sure he caught the pianist at work. It reminded him of his childhood home. Of his dad, playing for his mom, teaching him Chopsticks. Poe had never been great at any instruments - he had a better singing voice - but for him, the sound of a well-played piano would always be a comfort.

He took the first sip of his soup as the pianist started playing, letting the soup warm him as much as the music did. When he was finished, he let BB-8 climb up into his lap and petted her rhythmically as he began to count his breaths and practice his meditation. The half hour of live piano would set him up for a peaceful night. And, Rosie had been proud to celebrate, if the pianist couldn’t make a weekday evening, Poe had found that plugging in his earphones and listening to his piano playlist on his iPhone helped, too. If he got too anxious outside of the apartment, he’d do the same. He never would have discovered it as a coping mechanism without the pianist in the apartment above him.

He’d even put in a request, his mom’s favorite song, Liebestraum no. 3 in A flat. When the pianist had played it the next night, he’d come to the realization that he needed to start paying the pianist back.

He still didn’t know any details about the pianist, and though Lou and a few others knew about his schedule and “practice,” only his therapist knew the whole story, so he felt awkward asking anyone else in the building about the pianist. He stuck to things that had universal appeal, or things that struck his fancy. Chocolate, some sheet music, fresh fruit, doughnuts from the shop down the street, a postcard that had struck him for its beauty one day at Lou’s.

And then one day the music stopped. The first night was fine. Poe had his iPhone ready to go, and he plugged in, meditated, and drifted off to sleep easily. The second night, it didn’t quite work, and he’d texted Rosie for her advice.

**Rosie:** I know this would be hard, and I don’t say this lightly. You could consider knocking on the door and asking.

**Poe:** I think you know why I don’t want to do that.

**Rosie:** Let’s analyze this. Knocking would allow you to show verbal appreciation for the way their music has affected you. They would want to hear that.

**Poe:** And if they can’t look past my face?

**Rosie:** You know that people will be uncomfortable with the scarring. Civilians can rarely face the visible effects of war without getting uncomfortable. This is a reaction you expect, so it won’t be surprising.

**Poe:** I don’t want them to feel that way, though.

**Rosie:** Why? Why the pianist in particular?

**Poe:** I don’t know. I guess because they’re important to me. They’re part of my recovery.

**Rosie:** Don’t you think they’d like to know that?

**Poe:** So what, knock on the door, shake hands, tell them, ‘hey, you help keep me from thinking about killing myself.’

**Rosie:** How about we work on what you want to say. Can you open up Facetime?

 

That was how Poe came to have his fist poised above the door to Apartment 2187 at 6:45 the next night.  He hadn’t brought BB-8 with him, because she could be intimidating to people at first, and as his heart thudded in his chest, he realized that was probably a mistake. He hadn’t worn his hoodie, either. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it unhidden.

He knocked and held his breath.

A man, younger than Poe, maybe mid or late twenties, answered the door with a smile on his face. A beautiful smile on his beautiful face. _Oh God._ No, he could do this. _Don’t chicken out, Dameron._

The man hadn’t paused at all at the burn scarring that took up a quarter of Poe’s face, or the blind whiteness of his left eye. He just smiled brightly and said, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Poe’s mouth dropped open a little, and everything he’d planned to say with Rosie dropped out of his head immediately.

The man continued.  “I heard about the reclusive vet below me. You have some very protective friends, by the way. The minute I brought you up with our landlady, she was all ‘what do you want from him?’ and ‘That poor boy’s been through enough, Finn.’ But I told her I wanted to repay you for all the little presents you’ve given me over the last few months. I wasn’t sure if you’d talk to me if I just showed up at your door so I thought… and here you are, and I’m rambling. Will you stay for dinner?” The man eased back, opening the door to his apartment wide. “Oh, God, I didn’t even introduce myself. I’m the worst. Finn.” The man - Finn - stuck out his hand, and Poe shook it automatically.

Poe coughed, trying to get his throat to work, but the words came out rusty. “Why?” was all he could manage. _Why are you looking at me as if you totally don’t care that my face is ruined?_

Finn smiled again, and God, it’s the best thing Poe had ever seen, outstripping even those lovely slender pianist hands that were holding open the door. “Anyone who appreciates music as much as you do, especially how I play it, deserves to be a friend.”

Finn stepped back further into the apartment, turning away from the door, and Poe followed him, moth drawn to the flame, letting the door close behind him. "I'm Poe," he said to Finn's back, and Finn flashed a grin over his shoulder.

Though Finn’s apartment was identical to his, the space was cramped because of the piano. Finn had a few chairs to sit in, but the piano was the centerpiece of the living/dining/kitchen area. The furniture mostly looked like Goodwill finds or hand-me-downs; Finn directed him to sit in a tattered armchair. The piano, as far as Poe could tell, was the only thing lovingly tended in the whole apartment. Poe knew there was a story there, was dying to ask but the timing didn’t seem right.

“I noticed you never left me any alcoholic gifts. Would you prefer I don’t pull out wine for dinner?” Poe appreciated the lightness with which the question was asked, the lack of judgement in tone. He figured Finn must have dealt with vets before. Alcohol had never been one of his problems, but it was for a couple of other vets in his group.

“No I’m not- I mean, I just didn’t know if you were like a kid or something. I take some meds but...one glass would be fine.”

“Well in that case,” Finn said after fumbling around in the tiny kitchen a bit, “I love a good Pinot noir. This, however, is just passable.” He handed Poe a glass of wine, then sat at his piano bench with his own glass, which Poe quickly realized was a recycled jam jar. Finn laughed ruefully at himself when he saw Poe notice it. “The wine glass is for guests.”

Poe smiled and held his glass out.

“To new friends,” Finn said before clinking his jar against Poe’s glass. He took a sip, then unfolded himself to work in the kitchen some more.

Poe searched for some part of what he’d practiced with Rosie that could apply to this situation. “You play so beautifully.”

“Aww, you’re sweet,” Finn replied in a way that Poe could tell meant he didn’t agree.

“How long have you been playing?”

“Long as I can remember. My mom was pretty determined on her kid playing an instrument, and, I don’t know.” Finn shrugged. “It’s relaxing.”

“I think so, too.”

“Oh?” Finn’s voice brightened. “You play?”

Poe flushed to realize he’d been misunderstood. “No. No, I meant, it’s relaxing to listen to you.”

“Oh,” Finn murmured, looking embarrassed himself as he mixed together something that smelled delicious.

“I can live without it,” Poe blurted out, then immediately regretting his words.

Finn frowned. “Okay…”

Poe scratched over his scalp. “I suck at words sometimes.”

Finn’s frowned eased. “That’s okay, hun, we all do.”

“I meant, um. Well, I’m not supposed to say things like ‘I can’t live without it.’ Because life changes and I need to be accepting of those changes.” _Jesus Christ, you fucking nutjob, shut up._ “So I _can_ live without it,” he continued, blithely ignoring his screaming mind, “but I don’t particularly want to.”

Finn set a bowl of pasta and veggies in front of him on the minuscule coffee table. “I think I understand.”

“I’m sorry,” Poe grumbled, forking up a bite of pasta. “I’m just trying to say I really love it when you play. It helps me get through the dark times.” He took the bite and looked away from that beautiful face.

There was silence as the men chewed.

“So I’m a financial analyst over at First Order. It’s kind of draining my soul, really. I hate it, but I need the money. Can’t pay off college _and_ live in this mansion for free,” he said with a sardonic smile. “But when I can come home, and play, even just for the half hour I negotiated with the neighbors upstairs, it helps get me through the dark times, too.”

Poe watched Finn’s fingers manipulate his fork, wrap around his wine jar. He flushed again as he realized where his thoughts were leading him. He wanted those pianist fingers sliding over him. Around him. Into him.

The ache was palpable, knowing that he wanted this, wanted Finn to want him, and that he’d never get it.

“So does that mean you’ll be back tomorrow night?” Poe managed to ask, trying to alleviate his own tension.

Finn smiled that gorgeous smile at him and nodded. “Any requests?”

Poe shook his head. “Pianist’s choice. You make good ones.”

“So why the Liebestraum, then?”

“I hadn’t heard it in a long time. I hadn’t heard anyone I thought could do it justice in a long time. You did it justice.”

“Thank you,” Finn replied, voice sincere.

When they were finished with dinner, Poe stood to leave. “I should let you...um...I like to be in bed at a certain time,” he admitted.

Finn nodded. “Please, don’t let me ruin your schedule,” he said, and just like that, Poe knew that Finn had managed to wheedle that little detail of his life out of someone. He wasn’t sure whether to feel embarrassed or relieved that it was out there.

Finn opened the door for him, then stopped him with a light touch on his shoulder. “I play to destress from my job. The gifts are lovely, but you really don’t need to keep leaving them. I’m going to keep playing no matter what.”

“I believe in rewarding hard work and talent. If you were playing in a club, I’d leave you a tip. If you were a concert pianist, I’d gladly pay the ticket price and dress up in a fancy suit and everything. It’s just- you should know you’re appreciated. Your talent and dedication are appreciated.” There, finally, the words Poe had rehearsed with Rosie, finally out. And they must have worked, because Finn’s eyes went wide, then narrowed in consideration.

He moved in a little closer to Poe, not crowding him but definitely inside his space. “Maybe…maybe you could find a different way to reward me.” He leaned in closer, hovering over Poe’s mouth. “Stop me if I’m way off base here,” he said, before closing the gap and brushing his lips over Poe’s.

It felt glorious, like a balm, soothing Poe inside and out. Poe could scarcely believe Finn wanted him, could scarcely believe this was happening. When Finn broke it off, Poe pulled him back for another kiss like a starved man. Not just starved for human touch, he thought, but starved for the touch of someone who found him attractive. Starved for quiet getting-to-know-you talk and wine shared over a simple meal. Starved for someone who looked at him the way Finn looked at him all night, without fear or disgust or pity. Starved for the little noises Finn was making in his throat as his tongue licked into Poe’s mouth. Poe groaned and pushed him back against the door, hand caressing Finn’s smooth cheek, realizing Finn shaved for him. Poe wanted to sink into Finn’s body, to have Finn sink into his, to consume each other, and it was that intense thought that had him pulling back, breath heaving.

“I should go,” he said as Finn breathed with him.

“You should come back sometime. Please. I could give you a private concert.” Finn lifted Poe’s hand and kissed the knuckles, and Poe’s heart did somersaults in his chest.

“I’ve got a dog, a service dog,” Poe said, stumbling over the words. “Can I bring her too?”

Those strong pianist fingers brushed over the roughness of Poe’s scruffy cheek - he shaved on Wednesdays, 9am. “Of course. 6:30 tomorrow night?”

“6:30.” Poe squeezed the hand holding his, then headed back downstairs, feeling Finn’s eyes on him until he went through the stairwell door. When he arrived in his apartment, he heard the light sounds of something romantic, Vivaldi, Poe pinpointed in his memory. It stopped quickly, probably for Finn’s fear of a noise complaint from the disagreeable neighbors above him, but it was long enough for Poe to recognize it as Finn’s goodnight to him. As he settled into bed, BB-8’s soft snores soothing him into sleep, he thought about the kiss, and the possibilities tomorrow night might bring.


	2. breaking down doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @bakingstreetsarah requested a fic with the starting line of "A sad little moan came from the lump underneath the covers."
> 
> The tumblr version was short (it stopped after the line break) but I expanded it.

A sad little moan came from the lump underneath the covers.

“Finn? Buddy, you all right?” Poe’d knocked, a lot, when Finn hadn’t played that night. They’d agreed not to meet that night because Poe has been working with Rosie, but Finn had also assured him that he was going to play tonight, and Finn didn’t lie to him, not ever. Not when it came to keeping Poe’s schedule. He _knew_ not to do that to Poe.

So he’d brought BB-8 up with him and knocked. When he’d heard a faint moan, and his name, he’d- well, he’d broken down the door and he would pay for it and he would stay with Finn to keep Finn safe but he’d _had_ to.

He peeled back the thin blanket, trying to see what shape Finn was in. He was lying on his side, clutching a heating pad to his stomach, eyes squeezed shut.

Poe’s mind was trying to diagnose when Finn opened his sad eyes and shook his head at Poe, then rolled away from him.

Stomach flu?

“What can I do? Finn, you gotta tell me what to do.” Poe fidgeted. He hated feeling useless. When he felt useless, it was like, why even-

BB-8’s head butted against his hand and he whined, distracting Poe.

“Would- would BB-8 make you feel better?

Finn nodded, and his little “Yes” broke Poe’s heart.

Poe signaled for BB to jump up and she did, snuggling into Finn’s side. Finn wrapped one arm around the dog, the other arm still holding the heating pad.

Poe sat on the bed hesitantly, happy when Finn didn’t balk. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Poe asked. He wanted to wring his hands but knew he’d hate himself later if he made this about him.

“Cramps.” The word was mumbled into the German Shepard’s fur.

“Cramps?”

“You know, like women get. And some men,” Finn practically whispered.

“Oh? Oh. _Oh!_ ”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. What can I do to help?”

“You’re not like…mad or disgusted or something?

Poe’s fingers brushed over Finn’s as they petted BB-8 together. "Nope,” he said, simply.

“You don’t regret kissing me?”

“That an invitation to do it again?”

Finn let out a teary laugh. “Not right now, thanks.”

“Offer stands. Have you taken any ibuprofen?”

“Yeah. Waiting for it to kick in. Sorry about not playing."

"S'okay. Sorry about your front door.”

“Wait, what?”

* * *

When the ibuprofen had kicked in, Finn had fallen asleep, his hand still buried in BB-8’s fur. When he woke, his bed was empty, his apartment quiet as the early morning light filtered in through the curtains on his bedroom window. As he downed another dose of ibuprofen, he thought of what had happened last night, and felt twin pokes of relief and anxiety. It was good that Poe knew, he reasoned. He'd been worried since he'd first kissed Poe two months ago about revealing himself. But, he thought as he chewed his lip, he _knew_ Poe hated artifice and subterfuge, and wasn't that what Finn had done? No. _No. It's not subterfuge. I'm not pretending. This is who I am,_ Finn thought, attempting to reverse the negative self-talk _._ And Poe, it seemed, was okay with who he was. He felt warm inside, soothed at how accepting Poe had been.

He rolled himself out of bed, his cramps just a dull ache for the moment. He'd indulged in period shorts to help him feel better about the times it decided to come calling despite his testosterone dose. He was one of the 'lucky' ones whose body had never decided to quit them completely, and he had to work to remind himself when they came that it was just a normal bodily function, to deal with clinically, that never made him less of a man.

He didn't need to talk to his therapist often anymore, but given last night, maybe he should give him a call today.

As he padded out to his kitchen/living/dining area, he stopped in shock. There, leaning against his door, lock area splintered, was Poe, fast asleep, BB-8’s head in his lap, his fingers buried in her fur, his face partially covered by the dark hoodie he favored. At the sight, Finn swore his entire heart flipped in his chest. His feet shifted nervously at what he was feeling, and both man and dog woke up, perking up right away.

“Uh, morning,” Finn said, though it seemed entirely inadequate.

“Morning,” Poe said with a small smile as he tipped the hood back to reveal more of his face. Finn felt a little surge of pride that Poe felt comfortable doing so with him. His voice was rough and masculine and so downright sexy it sent shivers down to Finn’s toes. 

“I-you didn't have to stay.”

“Couldn't leave you unprotected.” He sounded matter of fact.

“Your back must be killing you.” Finn slid down the wall, his bare feet touching Poe’s sock-clad ones just slightly.

“I've slept in worse places,” Poe responded quietly.

“I guess you have.” Finn was just as quiet as his heart flipped in his chest again. 

“Still, I think lost feeling in my ass about three hours ago.” Poe laughed, and Finn joined him. 

He leaned over, hand on Poe’s knee, and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Poe went red and looked away. “Wouldn't have had to stay if I hadn't busted your door. I'll head to the hardware store as soon as they're open to fix it. I know I'm...intense sometimes. I'm sorry.”

Poe  _ was _ intense sometimes. When Finn had asked around about him, he received warnings of both kinds: the first had warned him that Poe didn't need complications in his life, the second had warned him that being friends - or more - with Poe could be extremely hard. Poe needed stability in his life. He needed his schedule. When he didn't get that, he got...intense. He always felt awful after, but he couldn't control it - yet - when these incidents happened.

But Finn had rejected - still rejected - the idea that just because Poe was still working for mental stability precluded him somehow from having a friend...or a relationship. “That's not why I was thanking you.” Finn moved his hand over Poe’s, tangling their fingers together. “I was thanking you because...no one I've ever come out to has accepted me as easily as you did.”

Poe squeezed his hand. “I kind of forced you to tell me. Sorry ‘bout that, too.”

Finn ran his free hand over his pants, nervous all of a sudden. “It’s okay, really. I felt like I was keeping something from you, but I didn’t want to tell you because...because I was worried how you’d react and I didn’t think I could take it if...if you…”

“If I rejected you.”

“Yeah.” Finn ran his thumb along the inside of Poe’s palm, tracing the lines. “Because you matter to me, Poe. A lot.”

Poe took in a breath, about to say something, when his cell phone alarm went off. He flicked it off and put it away, noticeably twitching in agitation despite the calm face he tried to put on. Finn met his eye. “What is it time to do, Poe?” He tried for lightness.

“Walk BB-8. But I- I- I can just stay-” Poe tried to force out, face growing anxious.

Finn released Poe’s hand and pushed to his feet, then held out his hands to pull Poe up. He pulled him closer, kissed his cheek again, swept quickly over his mouth. “Let’s go for a walk.” 

Poe looked away, ducking his head. “I told Rosie-” He cut himself off, and BB-8 leaned into his leg.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Finn repeated. Finn could tell that Poe was trying not to show how relieved he felt as Finn gingerly opened the broken door. “We can stop by Suzanne’s and tell her what happened. I bet she’d lend me her son to keep an eye on my place while we’re gone. Can we go to the hardware store after the walk?”  _ Light, light, light, keep it light. _

They didn’t talk much as they took the elevator down. Finn knew Poe was still chewing on something, and hoped he’d decide to tell him. Suzanne glanced between the two of them and Finn felt a little flare of annoyance because he could see that, although she was fine with Finn personally, she was blaming this incident on Finn’s arrival in Poe’s life. Poe didn’t even realize the protective human wall that had built itself around him, and the wall wasn’t very inclined to opening to new members. She sent her boy up, though, and Finn promised him five bucks for the apartment sitting duty. The pre-teen shrugged, barely looking up from his DS.

Poe didn’t open up until they were at the dog park and he’d released BB-8 with a signal, letting her do her business and socialize for a bit. Poe still looked agitated. “I told Rosie I’m no good for you.”

“Poe-”

“The day after you kissed me. I wasn’t- I wasn’t going to come see you that night. I told her how nice you were and how you’d  _ wanted _ me and it was impossible because I’m so- I’m so broken, and I know it, Finn, I  _ know _ I’m broken, and I  _ know _ everyone around me is trying to help me not be broken but they’re just the grocer, and the landlady, and the therapist, and the couple that comes to the dog park at the same time as me, and… and they don’t have to twine their lives into mine, but you. You want to be... _ more. _ And it takes my breath away and terrifies me. Because I don’t think you can lift me up, Finn, I think I can only drag you down.” Poe was pacing back and forth in front of Finn, and Finn let him, knowing it burned off some of the nervous energy.

“And what did Rosie say? How did she convince you to come to my place anyway?” Finn thought of that evening. Poe  _ had _ seem subdued, but he’d been so quietly pleased at Finn’s private concert that Finn had wanted to repeat the performance again and again and again just to see that look on Poe’s face.

Poe paused in his pacing. “She said...that I deserve this. I deserve to give this a chance, to see what happens.”

“Are you upset you gave it a chance?”

“Are you?” Poe’s face was a mask of anxiety.

Finn reached out then, had to. He cupped Poe’s cheeks, keeping his fingers away from Poe’s scars because he knew Poe hated it, hated them. “Absolutely not.” A tear rolled down Poe’s cheek. “Poe, I do want to be something more - fuck, I’m just going to say it - I want to be your boyfriend. Because  _ we  _ deserve it.  _ I  _ deserve someone who knows who I am and doesn’t even blink an eye at it.  _ You _ deserve someone who  _ will  _ twine their life into yours. Please don’t hear this as me trying to play ‘Who’s got the more tragic backstory?’ but my family...did not take my transition well. My mom still calls me by my dead name. I  _ know _ my brother has called me _she-male_ behind my back. That is, when he decides to acknowledge me. I just...I want to throw my bid in with Rosie. We deserve giving this a chance.”

Poe’s brow furrowed. He broke away from Finn, resuming his pacing. “Why can’t they see the light that practically bursts through your skin? Why the fuck would they care what you look like or call yourself? Your soul is pure, solid sunlight. Is there a statute of limitations on beating the shit out of someone for insulting my man? Fuck, I’m not supposed to say shit like that, Rosie said. Ideation of violence.  _ Shit. _ And I’m not saying your outside is bad either. You’re fucking handsome. Struck me right between the eyes - ha -  when you opened the door the first time.” 

“Poe, it’s okay,” Finn said with a little laugh. “While I appreciate the fact that you think I’m handsome, I am also  _ very  _ appreciative that you think I’m a good person.”

“You’re, um, the first trans person I’ve known personally. I’m bound to say something fucking stupid.”

“So I’ll teach you, just like you taught me what you do and don’t like, what your triggers are, and how to avoid them.”

Poe paused in front of Finn again, and put his hands tentatively on Finn’s waist. “We deserve this?” 

“We definitely deserve this.”

BB-8 bumped between their legs then, breaking them apart a little, and Finn laughed as Poe reached down to pet her, then clip her back on her leash. Poe held out his right arm, so he could keep Finn on his good side, and Finn happily took it. “Shall we go get the stuff to repair my door?”

“ _ We _ deserve this,” he heard Poe mutter as they walked out.


	3. Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn made the world quiet for Poe, even when it wasn’t.

In the VA hospital after the IED explosion, Poe had been told countless times that bullshit line about other senses becoming stronger when one was lost. They hadn’t been sure, back then, right after, if he’d get his vision back in the technically-undamaged eye. But it had come back, and so Poe figured he’d really only lost half a sense, if even. At most, all he’d really lost was his sense of depth perception.

And his ability to fly. Or drive. Or do anything important.

And his ability to deal with his situation.

But at least he’d been working to gain that back.

So he had figured, when they’d told him about the whole “other senses becoming stronger” thing, that that was a load of bullshit because he hadn’t even lost a whole sense. What was he going to do, get a _slightly_ better sense of smell?

But, with Finn in his life now, he understood. Because...because with Finn, everything was quiet, even though it wasn’t.

Finn’s voice was quiet, and deep, and sometimes Poe wondered if he’d schooled it that way.

Finn’s playing was quiet, even though Poe could hear it when it wasn’t being played.

Finn made the world quiet for Poe, even when it wasn’t.

He wasn’t quite sure what he was doing in return, but he had to trust that Finn was happy anyway.

“Play with me?” Finn asked one night, after he’d finished a movement. He’d made the request before, but-

“It won’t sound like you.”

Finn smiled. “I know. It’ll sound like _us._ ”

“I don’t want to ruin it. You’re perfect.”

“And you wonder why I keep you around when stuff like that just falls naturally out of your mouth.” Finn played a little flourish, and Poe smiled. “Play with me. Just for the last five minutes.”

As always, Poe felt a physical pang when he realized Finn’s piano time was drawing to a close. But an agreement was an agreement, and the upstairs neighbors had been very kind about the whole thing. Still, it made Poe want to lock both of them away in a soundproof room. Which, Rosie would probably tell him, was not a healthy thought.

Finn’s fingers were poised over the keys, and he glanced back to them, looking a little resigned. Before he could start to play again, though, Poe acquiesced. “Okay.”

Finn’s smile was bright, and made Poe’s heart beat double-time. “Okay?”

Poe stood, carefully dislodging BB’s head from his lap. She sighed and laid back down, watching them both. Poe sat on Finn’s left, so he could see him. He put his fingers on the keys, absently playing a few notes of nothing, nothing that resembled a melody anyway. Finn’s slender fingers looked natural against the ivory, and his felt clunky, but Finn was continuing to smile at him and Finn made Poe want to try anything, _anything_ to keep that smile going.

“Okay, so I’m going to teach you the melody, and then I’m going to back you up. It’s called 'Heart and Soul.' It’s like, the first thing most kids are taught, after Chopsticks. But I think you can take on something a little harder than Chopsticks.” Finn winked at him.

Finn played the melody with his right hand, slowly, letting Poe mimic him. “Perfect,” Finn said, voice bright. “Try by yourself?”

Poe concentrated on the notes, the rhythm. It repeated itself, so Finn told him to keep going. He messed up a couple of times, then nearly jolted and stopped when Finn entered with a lively harmonic beat using both of his hands. “Keep going! You’re doing great!”

When Poe stuttered over the notes, Finn slowed, joining him on the melody again, before going back to the repetitious harmony. His heart beat fast in his chest as he realized that he _was_ doing it. He and Finn were making music together, and even here, with both of them laughing and plunking out the notes loudly, Poe’s mind was quiet. Happy.

As they ended the repetition one last time, Finn added some flourishes that made Poe smile. He let the final notes ring in the silence of the apartment as the clock ticked 7:00. “And done,” Finn said, breathy and smiling.

“Have you ever thought of giving piano lessons?” Poe asked, his fingers lingering on the keys. Funny, he hadn’t wanted to ruin the music, but now he didn’t want to stop, either.

Finn shrugged. “When would I do it? In the half-hour I get each day? And where? It’s not like this place is very professional looking. Who’d trust their kids to me?”

“Sounds like you’ve thought of it, then.” He forced himself to slide his fingers off the keys and into his lap as he looked at Finn earnestly.

“I thought it might be a way to get extra income. You know. For hormones and stuff,” Finn mumbled. “But I just don’t see a way…”

Poe took one of Finn’s hands in his, massaging the clever pianist fingers. “I could help you make it work, maybe. Think about it.”

Finn met his eyes. “I will, I promise.”

“I just hate that you hate your job.”

“I know.” Finn brought Poe’s hand to his lips. “You’re sweet that way. Corporate drones exist for a reason. _Someone_ has to do it.”

Poe stuck his lip out to make Finn laugh. “Why does that someone have to be you, though? You deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy.” Finn leaned in, capturing Poe’s mouth lightly. Poe opened himself contentedly. It was so easy to open up to Finn. Easier than anyone else, because Finn let Poe be _quiet._

Finn tried to press in closer, and almost knocked Poe off the piano bench. They broke apart, laughing and breathless. “Do you want to take this someplace else?” Finn asked, standing and holding out his hand.

Poe let himself be pulled up into Finn’s strong embrace. “Couch?” Evening practice ended there more often than not, Poe quietly tucked into Finn’s side as they both stroked BB-8, or talked, or just existed together, in the peace, until Poe had to leave for his scheduled bedtime.

“I was thinking the bed, maybe?” Finn’s voice was deep and vulnerable.

“You sure?”

“I’d like you to teach me what you like. I’d like to do the same.” Finn’s hand was warm and reassuring in his.

“I’d...love that.”

Finn’s lips tipped up. “BB-8 okay with you leaving her behind?”

“She’d...we’d both do better if we left the door slightly open,” Poe answered honestly, because he _could_ answer Finn honestly without feeling like a freak.

Finn led him back to the bedroom, their bare feet padding on the floor.

Finn laid down, and Poe followed him, the scarred half of his face resting in the pillow as they laid on their sides facing each other. The scarring didn’t bother Finn, but it still bothered Poe, so he was glad it was partially hidden.

Finn’s arm rested in the space between them, and Poe moved to twine their fingers together. Their breaths were quiet, the apartment was quiet.

“Do you have-”

“Can I-”

They both laughed a little as Poe nodded at Finn for him to continue.

“Do you have anything you don’t like? Or like, positions that make you anxious?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Poe said, and Finn’s fingers squeezed his.

“You go first.”

“Um. Confinement. Like holding me down and stuff. Or tying me up. I mean not always, but sometimes…”

“Okay. Is it okay if I’m over you, or do you need to be on top?”

“I’m not...I don’t know. I, um... haven’t had sex since the explosion.” He felt a blush tinge his cheeks.

Finn reached out to rub his arm. “It’s okay, Poe. Just… we’ll take it slow, and we’ll talk, right?”

“Right.” Poe’s eye closed when Finn brushed over his cheek. “What about you? Do you...um...do you like to, um…” His blush grew deeper as he realized he didn’t even know how to ask the question.

“For the most part, unless I’m having a bad day, I can see my body parts as what they are - organs that perform a sexual and medical purpose, despite what they look like. I’m no less a man for all that they look different than yours.”

“No, of course not. I mean, I don’t want you to think that I, uh, think of you that way.”

Finn scooted a little closer to Poe, close enough to brush their lips together. “I don’t mind being a bottom, either vaginally or anally, or both,” Finn said with a wink. His hand swept down Poe’s chest, resting on his belt loop, then using it to pull them closer together. “I also _really_ don’t mind being a top. If you’re into that. I have a harness that is _very_ fun.”

Poe hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath, and let it out with a little whoosh. He could imagine all of it, everything Finn had described, and he wanted all of it. It didn’t really matter what went where. It mattered that Finn was happy, and that he himself felt safe. “That all sounds...perfect.” Then he sighed, and looked away. “I can’t always- I can’t always- I can’t always-”

“Shhh, Poe,” Finn comforted, hand rubbing at his stomach. “Take a breath.”

Poe did, then met Finn’s gaze again. “I can’t always get hard. Because of the medication.” He didn’t think he could get more red.

“Can I make you feel good?”

Poe shrugged. “I’m not really sure. Maybe?”

“Has kissing me felt good?”

“God, Finn, can you not tell?” He kissed Finn then, had to, couldn’t stand their lips being apart for another second. He loved Finn’s lips, the feel of them. He could kiss Finn for hours, if time allowed. If Finn didn’t have work in the morning and Poe didn’t have his schedule to keep.

Finn broke it off, placing a kiss on Poe’s cheek. “Well that’s a good starting place, then.” He took in Poe’s face. “There’s one last thing. I’d rather not take off my shirt.”

“Oh, okay,” Poe said, nodding. Finn looked embarrassed. “You don’t have to tell me why, Finn.”

Finn chewed on his lip. “I want you to know, but…”

Poe captured his hand again, and squeezed it, waiting.

“I have scars.”

“Oh. _Oh._ ” Poe looked down at Finn’s chest, where he’d felt hard pecs before, and not soft tissue.

“No. Well, I mean, yeah, I have those scars too, but I’m not…” Finn trailed off, looking away. Poe tangled their fingers together. “I was attacked.”

Poe jolted, adrenaline running through him, and he sat up abruptly. “ _What?_ ”

“When I was in high school. I wasn’t always this,” Finn flexed his arm muscles, “strong. And my hometown wasn’t exactly...accepting of trans people.”

Poe counted to ten, to try and calm himself. He laid back down. Long-ago attacked Finn didn’t need his anger _now._ Still- “And I bet your family said it was your fault.”

Finn shrugged a little, which meant _yes_ as far as Poe was concerned. “I mean, they were concerned, obviously. I ended up in the hospital. Anyway, maybe I shouldn’t make that big a deal of it. I mean, it’s silly, considering…” He paused, looking at Poe’s scarring, then away quickly.

Poe brushed his lips over Finn’s. “When I was recovering in the hospital, there was this volunteer that used to come in, and _man_ , I hated her. I mean, it was great that she was helping people, you know? But she used to tell me how I didn’t have it so bad because at least I could still walk.”

“What? That’s- that’s-”

“Just because other people have it worse, doesn’t mean your pain, or your feelings about your attack and your scars, are invalid.” Finn watched him, then gave a tiny nod. “It took Rosie quite a bit of time to convince me of that. And then she convinced that volunteer to never talk to me again.”

Finn smiled. “Good on Rosie.”

“Yeah.” Poe captured his mouth again. “So, yeah, got it, shirt stays on. No justification necessary, okay?”

“Okay,” Finn sighed. He brought their mouths back together, tongues exploring lazily, quietly. Everything was quiet when Finn was around.

Poe slid his hand down Finn’s side, pausing to squeeze into his hip, to urge them closer together. Finn moaned a little into the kiss, rolling his hips to grind into Poe’s. Poe’s hand slipped farther back, cupping into Finn’s gorgeous ass, all taut and perfectly round. After awhile, he realized Finn’s hand had slipped down his own jeans, and he was rubbing himself. Poe broke the kiss, suddenly realizing what he wanted to do.

“Can I? Um...with my mouth?” Poe asked, breathless from the kissing, as his hand covered Finn’s.

Finn’s chuckle was just as breathless. “Yeah. Be my guest.”

He pushed Finn lightly onto his back, then moved down, placing kisses over Finn’s shirt as he slid down. At Finn’s flat stomach, he paused, worshiping with his mouth, getting distracted by his abs. Finn squirmed, and he was reminded of his central goal.

He unzipped Finn’s jeans, and Finn lifted up so he could slide them and his boxers off his hips. Poe pressed a kiss to the hollow of Finn’s hipbone before working his way over, nosing through his wet curls and honing in on the button of Finn’s clit. He swept his tongue over it, and Finn moaned appreciatively above him. Poe slid down further, widening Finn’s legs, spreading him open. “Mmph,” Poe said, grinning at his own inarticulation as he took in the sight of the dark brown folds, just peeking open to reveal the light pink below, glistening with Finn’s moisture. He breathed in Finn’s scent and licked all the way up, making Finn jolt his hips against the bed. Satisfied, he repeated the move, and again, then refocused on Finn’s clit. He slid two fingers into Finn’s hole, appreciating how Finn clenched down around him, then used the moisture to sweep at Finn’s rim. Finn groaned, clutching at Poe’s head, as he worked one blunt finger into that tight space, then brought his thumb up into Finn’s hole, remembering his light suggestion of double penetration. He latched on to Finn’s clit, losing himself there. This, this he could do for hours, too.

If his senses were heightened because of his disability, they were completely overwhelmed by Finn. His scent, his texture, the breathy little moans he was making. The feel of his fingers, scrubbing over Poe’s scalp, gripping him tightly.

“Poe, Jesus, you’re good at this. Oh, man. Oh, Poe-” Finn’s desperate sentence cut off as he came, spasming around Poe’s thumb. Poe continued to massage him through the aftershocks, until Finn pulled him off his clit with a groan. “Good job,” Finn said with a spent little laugh and a pat on Poe’s shoulder, and Poe felt warm inside. He crawled back up to Finn, looming over him.

Finn’s hand moved down Poe’s front tentatively. “Do you want me to…?”

Poe considered it, but though he felt happy, and maybe loved, he didn’t feel the need to finish, particularly, and so he shook his head. “Not right now. But kisses?”

“Kisses,” Finn agreed with a smile, pulling Poe down on top of him.

They were still kissing when Poe’s alarm went off. Finn pulled back, cupping Poe’s face and caressing his cheeks. “I’ll walk you down.”

As Finn shimmied back into his jeans, Poe accepted a greeting from BB-8, who licked at his hand. “Good girl,” he whispered, smiling. He slid into his shoes, gathered their stuff and signaled for BB to heel, then took Finn’s hand after he locked his apartment up. As they waited for the elevator, the sounds of the apartment building began to filter into Poe’s ears again. Somewhere, a baby was crying, and the apartment next to Finn’s was watching CSI, apparently. This was an adjustment he’d had to make, too - Finn made everything quiet. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t handle the loudness that came when he left Finn. He had to be able to handle it. Like Rosie said, creating a dependency for another person wasn’t fair to either of them.

Still, it was nice to have Finn walk him back, like he was weaning him off his presence. They hadn’t discussed it specifically, but Finn was intuitive like that.

At his apartment, he pressed Finn into the door, lips sliding over his one last time, then slipping down the column of his throat, before he pushed himself back. “Goodnight,” he said quietly.

Eyes dark on his, Finn placed a final kiss on his cheek. “Goodnight,” he answered, before turning for the stairs.


	4. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stardusteddameron over on tumblr asked: a humble request for you: pianist au, finn and poe having good ol fashioned p in v sex (and, potentially, finn overcoming his fear of being shirtless in front of poe)
> 
> And you know, that just seemed too sweet to pass up.

Finn leaned back in his chair after taking a sip of wine, contemplating the man across from him as he told Finn animatedly of the interaction he'd had with BB and some of the dogs at the dog park. Finn knew he'd also had a frustrating and agitating phone call with VA billing, because Poe had texted him at work after he'd talked things out with Rosie, so he was glad to see Poe be relaxed and happy now. 

He  _ was _ happy, and almost as relaxed as Poe got outside of their apartments. There was a little extra edge of tension now, because they were at a restaurant, celebrating their anniversary - six months - and Poe wasn't wearing his beloved hoodie. Instead, he was dressed in a suit - no tie, they felt too confining - and he was freshly shaved, which meant he'd broken routine for Finn. Finn hadn't asked him to, and he was slightly worried that Poe might be pushing himself too far with the whole evening, but so far he wasn't displaying any of the little signals that meant they'd need to cut the evening short. His dress shirt was unbuttoned at the throat, revealing a tantalizing view of bronze skin and curly brown hair. Finn liked to stick his nose right there, feel the texture of Poe.

He reached his hand across the table, and Poe automatically covered it with his. “I'm glad you had a good day for the most part,” Finn said lightly. 

Poe's fingers traced into his palm. “And you?”

Finn shrugged, then rolled his eyes at himself. “You know. Same old same old.”

Poe frowned and squeezed his fingers. “Hux again?”

Finn sighed and rubbed his temple. “Yes. I got another letter. Anonymous, of course.”

Poe's other hand made a fist. “You need to tell-”

“Who?” It was an old argument, one they'd had several times since Finn had received the first anonymous letter threatening to out him at work and calling him nasty slurs. Poe had, understandably, flown off the handle. It had been their first big argument, Finn not wanting to leave his job for the scary world of unemployment, despite Poe’s assurances that his money from the government could cover them for awhile, and Poe being livid at the idea that someone was making Finn feel unsafe. “First Order doesn't have problems like this. They just make their problems ‘disappear.’” 

“Honey.”

Finn pulled back his hand. “Can we not talk about it?” 

Poe wasn't allowed to answer as their food came. When their waitress left, Finn murmured, “I know I need to leave. I just...it's like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, you know?”

Poe's knee brushed his under the table as they dig into their entrees. “I know.”

“‘Sides, I get to come home every night to a great guy who never asks more of me than to play piano.”

“Oh, who's that?” Poe asked with a grin, and Finn stuck his tongue out. 

“I don't know his name, but his stamina is  _ insane. _ ”

Poe blushed prettily, and he leaned in to whisper, “I don't think it counts if it takes me all that time just to get hard.”

“No complaints here, man.”

Finn had discovered that he really enjoyed the challenge of overcoming Poe's medication. He got to lave all of his attention and love on Poe, and he was always well-rewarded for his concentration.

Poe's knee brushed his again. “I love you.”

Finn warmed down to his toes. It wasn't the first time Poe had said the L word - that had been during a particularly bad panic attack - but it still hit Finn every time. “I love you back.”

The busboy came for their plates and predictably stared right at Poe’s scars before glancing away quickly, making Poe turn red and duck his head, automatically reaching for his hood and frowning when he remembered he wasn’t wearing one. He kind of awkwardly covered the left side of his face with his hand, pretending to scratch his scalp, instead, not meeting Finn’s eyes.

Finn grasped Poe’s free hand in his and rubbed circles slowly, a movement that Poe could center on, time his breathing to. While Poe recentered himself - 5 months ago, Poe would have just gotten up and left the restaurant without saying a word, so really, this was quite a bit of progress, and Finn was damned proud of him - Finn thought about...well, he thought about appearances, actually.

Finn wasn’t vain. But his trans experience had been one, especially after his attack, of great and constant effort to get his outside appearance to match his inner self. There was a sort of … psychological necessity with being overly particular about his looks. It helped with his dysphoria, enough that Finn rarely experienced it anymore, and when he did, reassuring himself in a mirror of his identity was one of his coping mechanisms.

All of this, Finn thought, was why it was particularly painful to watch the outside world deal with Poe. He was sitting across from what he was pretty sure was the sweetest man on the face of Earth, despite his episodes, and people stared, at best, or made faces, or crossed the street to avoid him, or talked around him as if he didn’t exist. His very presence made most people uncomfortable, unsure of what to say or do around him, or where to look.

And he had absolutely no choice. There was no hormone for him to take, or surgery for him to have, or coverup for him to wear. Poe had no choice but to either deal with how people reacted to him, or hide.  _ Poe’s outside would never match Poe’s self-perception, ever again. _ They’d never discussed it, not really, but it was a thought that sent a cold chill through Finn, contemplating some scenario where he never was able to convince anyone of his masculinity ever again.

Finn thought of the scars on his back as Poe’s anxiety cleared and his eyes met Finn’s again. “Do you want dessert, or home? I’m fine either way.”

Poe’s hand squeezed his. “Let’s go home.” 

Finn signaled their waitress for the check. He didn’t argue with Poe anymore when Poe insisted on paying for the meal.

As soon as they stood, Poe had a possessive hand wrapped around his waist. It filled Finn with light, how absolutely happy and willing Poe was to claim Finn as his in public. There was no hesitation, and it assured Finn that he wasn't an embarrassment to Poe. Finn leaned in, placing a kiss on Poe’s smooth cheek, performing the same service for him.

It was dark enough on their walk home that they didn't have to deal with any other idiots who didn't know how to deal with Poe’s face. Poe was always way more forgiving than Finn was about it. A ghost of a smile played at Finn's lips. They were both really, really good at getting mad on the other's behalf even when they weren't riled for their own cause.

“My place, so I can check on BB?” Poe asked, backing him into the corner of the elevator.

“Sounds perfect.” Finn turned his head to grant Poe access to his neck, and Poe placed kisses along the column of his throat, like butterflies landing and taking off again. Finn shivered, feeling his arousal start. He knew what he wanted tonight, but he was going to have to work to get Poe there, too. He grinned. Definitely his favorite type of work.

As he waited for Poe to let them in, he loosened his tie, pulling it off completely and tossing it on the couch while Poe greeted BB-8 with strokes and kisses. Once master and dog had assured themselves of their mutual happiness, and Poe had put down a scoop of food for her, Finn found himself caught in the sole attention of his brave, handsome pilot.

It was absolutely his favorite place to be.

“What do you want to do?” Poe's voice was low, full of desire and promise.

Finn took a step toward him. “I want to suck your dick until you're hard.” Another step as Finn saw Poe take a quick inhale. “I want to kiss you everywhere and show you how much you mean to me.” Step. He was close enough now to pull Poe into his arms, but he'd wait until Poe consented. “And then I want you to fuck me, nice and slow, as I come eight million times.” 

Poe laughed and pulled Finn to him. “If we don't hit eight million, you'll just have to add it to my ledger.” His mouth descended on Finn’s, and Finn wrapped his arms around Poe, snuggling in tight, feeling their bodies warm wherever they touched. If so much of their past was shrouded in darkness, this - them, together - was pure light.

With a last press of lips, Poe smiled at Finn and turned, leading him back to the bedroom, stripping as they went. Finn tossed his dress shirt and suit coat over Poe’s dresser, his pants shucked to the floor. Smiled as Poe more meticulously rehung his clothing. He pulled down the special underwear that held his packer, which he didn't bother with a home but was essential for Finn for work and going out, should he have to go to the men's restroom.

In front of him, Poe’s ass was looking delectable, and Finn couldn't help but reach out and goose him as he bent to retrieve his dress pants for hanging. Poe grinned at him, and winked, and Finn’s fingers played at the hem of his undershirt. He remembered what he'd been thinking earlier, and, after a moment’s hesitation, lifted the hem up.

“Finn-” Poe started, his eyes wide.

“I want to.” He pulled the ribbed tank over his head and tossed it aside. “I trust you.” Finn stood as straight as he could as Poe’s eye slid up and down him, taking in his fully naked form for the first time ever. With a deep breath, Finn turned, baring his back to Poe, and waited. 

He knew what Poe was seeing, though he didn't look at it much himself anymore. Long, narrow scars, white with age, going up his back, that formed the letters FRE. The group of boys holding him down had been scared off before they could finish the message: “freak.” Finn had been so out of his mind with pain from the attack that he'd barely noticed the transition from beating to help. Thank god for Good Samaritans. 

He felt Poe’s lips on his back first, at the top of his spine, where his kisses would normally land, above the collar of his shirt. Finn held his breath as Poe’s fingers brushed over the scars, smoothing over the skin of his back before reaching around to Finn’s abs, gently pulling him closer.

Finn let the breath whoosh out as he felt Poe's skin against his, full body contact. Poe's lips continued to worship at his neck, his hands stroking down, over his thighs, into the juncture of Finn’s legs. 

“So handsome,” Poe murmured against his skin, and Finn felt the words vibrate into his soul. “My man.” Finn shivered.

Poe’s hands were urging him to turn, and it was over, just like that, the horrible moment Finn had been dreading. Finn pressed his lips to Poe’s cheek, the scarred one, before drifting them down to his lips, and up to his other cheek. Poe looked at him earnestly, and he knew he could offer the same reassurance: “So handsome, my man,” Finn said, sincere, and Poe offered him a crooked little smile. “Now, what was my plan again? Oh, right.” Finn walked them back to the bed, holding Poe’s hands as he eased down to the bed, then following him.

Poe was already half hard, and Finn was gratified; sometimes he had way less to work with than half, not that he minded one bit loving on Poe until he got hard, or, just loving on Poe in general, even if he never got hard. 

He liked it just the same when Poe pushed him over and gave him all the attention instead. They might never have that quick, pushed against the wall, feel-like-you-might-burst type of sex, but Finn was okay with that. Oh,  _ so _ okay.

Finn knelt beside Poe and chased his hands with his lips, skipping over Poe’s nipples, where they hadn’t found he was very sensitive, in favor of Poe’s stomach, which quivered under Finn’s lips. He continued on his journey, spending time teasing the crease in between his thigh and crotch. Poe sighed, opening further for him, and Finn murmured his praise. He massaged Poe’s legs, loving the texture of his leg hair under his fingers as he worked his way down, down, until he was licking around Poe’s hole. Poe squirmed, and Finn smiled against his opening. Anal play rarely failed to get Poe going. They hadn’t broken out the harness yet, because they’d found that Poe had a hard time with Finn being on top; it triggered his confinement issue. Still, Poe was willing to work on it, and they both wanted to - when they were ready.

Finn had never had a partner who cared so much about making sure he was happy, and he’d never  _ been  _ that partner, either. He’d never had sex - made love, really - with someone so selfless, who inspired him to be selfless, too.

Above him, Poe was making the sweetest little sounds, whimpers, really, as Finn’s tongue darted in and out. His name was a prayer on Poe’s lips, a benediction to a higher god. Finn felt love and power flare through him. He placed a last kiss there, then sucked one of his fingers into his mouth, getting it nice and wet, and pushed inside, rubbing at Poe’s rim as he moaned. He kept his finger fucking in and out of Poe as he worked his way back up to Poe’s cock, which was hard after all the stimulation, but not yet weeping pre-cum. Ever patient, Finn took the head into his mouth, sweeping his tongue around it, feeling it stiffen more. His own legs were wet, his slick practically rolling down his thighs, he was so ready.

Poe tapped his shoulder, and he slowly let him fall from his mouth. “Wanna try,” Poe breathed out, voice wrecked. 

Finn nodded, pulling out his finger and sliding up Poe’s body, placing kisses along the way. When he drew level with Poe’s face, he cupped Poe’s cheeks and kissed him sweetly. He let Poe take control, then, gently reversing their positions even as their lips were still pressed together. With a heartfelt groan that made Finn feel loved, feel special, feel worshiped, as if Poe never wanted to leave his lips, Poe broke the kiss and reached for the nightstand. A few seconds later, the foil packet was tossed aside, and Finn was helping Poe roll the condom up his cock, stroking him for good measure. 

Finn spread his thighs for Poe, feeling the night air brush lightly over his moistness, and he shivered. As Poe moved on to Finn’s neck, placing love bites there, he swept his hand down Finn’s body, to the plump folds that were begging for attention. Poe slipped two fingers inside Finn, verifying his readiness, then replaced his fingers with his cock. Finn sighed happily, scooting his hips around until Poe was sunk inside him to the hilt. Poe buried his face in Finn’s neck. Finn knew what this moment was, because Poe had explained it to him once. Poe needed the silence and the stillness of this moment to accustom himself to Finn, to the wonderful feeling of being buried in him, to the idea that this was a thing he got to have. He’d wept the first time they’d done this, not hard, but enough that Finn’s shirt had been soaked. Now, Finn felt a little wetness against the skin of his neck as Poe’s arms drew him in. He stroked down Poe’s back, offering comfort, waiting for Poe to come back to him, to come back from the edge of being overwhelmed. 

He felt a kiss on his jaw, and then Poe was there above him, eye still glittery but steady on his. His hand squeezed into Finn’s hip, then pulled Finn’s leg up farther so it wrapped around his waist. Finn gave him a little smile and brought the other leg up, and Poe sunk just a little bit deeper to their mutual satisfaction. 

Poe’s pace was slow, their eyes locked. Finn pursed his lips and sought out Poe’s hand, tangling their fingers together as they fucked, as Poe became a part of him and he a part of Poe and everything was slow and perfect and quiet.

“I love you,” Poe whispered. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love-”

Finn pulled his head down, cutting off his repetition. Their lips were warm together, their tongues a mirror of what was happening below. Poe’s chest slid over his, and he gasped into Poe’s mouth at the sensation. Poe pulled back, arching a brow. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Finn replied, breathy, as Poe slid back in. “Just,” and he brought a hand up to his chest, “sensitive, apparently.” 

Poe gave him a little Cheshire smile and leaned back, eyeing Finn’s exposed chest. The look in his eye was just the slightest bit devilish before he descended, sucking Finn’s nipple into his mouth.

“Oh, oh Christ,” Finn gasped. He swept his own hand over his clit but barely needed any encouragement as he tipped over the edge for the first time, humming as his muscles rippled around Poe’s dick, and he started climbing that sweet, glorious hill once again. Poe groaned appreciatively at the feel of his orgasm, lifting his head to blow on Finn’s nipple, then switch to the other side. Finn’s wet hand ghosted over Poe’s scalp, holding him to his chest lightly so as not to set off his trigger. Finn was so glad he’d decided to take off his shirt. How had he been missing this the whole time?

Poe nipped lightly at the nipple and Finn arched up, throwing Poe out of his rhythm even as he grinned and repeated it.  _ “Fuck, _ Poe.  _ Fuck. _ ” 

Everything was pushing him to peak again, and suddenly, despite asking for eight million orgasms, Finn wanted Poe there with him. “You ready?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m ready, Finn,” Poe replied, eye full of trust and love.

Finn swept his hand through his moisture again and reached around, finding Poe’s hole and pressing inside swiftly. Poe’s hips pistoned as he moaned, letting Finn fuck him. Finn curled his finger, searching, searching, and there it was, the almost-shock of Poe’s orgasm hitting his face first, before he thrust harder into Finn and emptied himself into the condom. He kept thrusting, sweeping his free hand over Finn’s clit, a hot, slick, fast press that had Finn chasing after him, squeezing around him, and shuddering.

Poe exhaled long and hard before slipping out of Finn and letting himself fall to the side, his face near their still joined hands. He rolled Finn’s hand to his lips, placing a small kiss across his knuckles, and Finn’s heart melted. 

They let the silence set, let their heartbeats return to normal. When he could avoid it no longer, Finn released Poe’s hand, just so he could push himself to his feet. Poe’s eyes were closed, his arm thrown over his face, when Finn nudged him on the knee. “C’mon, big boy. Shower with me?” It was yet another milestone as they’d never bathed together, and Finn knew he sounded vulnerable.

“Of course,” Poe said easily as he smiled, tying off the condom and tossing it before following Finn to his bathroom.

In that small tiled space, Poe made up for lost time, asking if he could wash Finn. Finn sighed as Poe lovingly rubbed soap over his muscles, massaging the sweet soreness left behind by lovemaking. He felt Poe trace over the letters again, then place a kiss there. “Have you ever thought about covering them with a tattoo?” Poe’s voice was quiet over the buzz of the shower.

Finn turned, washing Poe with the same love and respect that he’d shown for Finn’s body. “I have. But that would have required letting someone see them. For hours.”

“True. Still, you’d look sexy with a tattoo.”

Finn smiled, appreciating the levity. “You already think I’m sexy.”

“Even truer. I can’t argue with you on that.” Poe pulled him closer, sweeping a soapy washcloth between his legs, ostensibly to clean him, but Finn was still sensitive, and he moaned, leaning into Poe’s shoulder. “Mmm,” Poe hummed, replacing the washcloth with his fingers as he swept soapy circles around Finn’s clit. “C’mon, babe. Finn, come for me,” he murmured into Finn’s ear. Finn’s fingers squeezed into Poe’s waist as he tipped over the edge one more time for Poe. He let out a whoosh of breath when Poe continued to stroke him through the aftershocks. 

“Christ, Poe.”

“What? I owe you like, seven million nine-hundred and ninety-nine-”

Finn shut him up with a kiss even as he laughed, and Poe was chuckling into it too. He ran the spray over Finn, cleaning him off without overstimulating him, and then helped Finn out of the shower when his shaky legs refused to hold him up. They were laughing still as they dried each other, chuckling as Finn dragged out a set of pajama pants from the drawer Poe had given him, and Finn couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face as they snuggled into bed. Finn snuggled Poe against him, and Poe called BB-8 in to snuggle her, a happy little spooning trifecta. This was their happy place, the both of them, and when he was here, Finn didn’t have to worry about an increasingly hostile work environment, or abuses of the past. Here, all they had to do was exist, with each other.


	5. The Bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn helps Poe through a panic attack. CW: anxiety, panic attack, some minor blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you follow me on tumblr you know that I've been having higher levels of anxiety the last few days. That inspired this (damn, but I wish I had a Finn to wrap me in his arms when I feel like I'm going to die); but also, the mere act of writing lowered my heart rate back down to normal levels. Bless you, writing. Bless you.

He was dying. He was absolutely, one-hundred percent sure he was having a heart attack. People were talking to him, but nothing really made sense. Everything was sort of gray and fuzzy, and the noises were too loud, the lights too much. He wanted it to end, but he didn’t want to die. He didn’t  _ want _ to die. 

“You’re not dying, honey. I promise. You’re not dying.” Finn’s voice cut through the unbearable noise. Poe blinked, trying to focus, trying to find him. “Can you hear me, Poe? You’re not dying. You’re going to be okay.”

“Finn?” Poe barely heard the word, wasn’t sure if anyone else had caught it.

“I’m going to be right there, okay? I’ll be right there. Let Lou put in your headphones, okay, honey? Lou, play the voice memo for him when he’s got the headphones in.” 

Finn’s voice had a tinny quality, and Poe slowly realized it was coming from his phone. Lou was holding his phone. Finn wasn’t here, just on his phone. But Finn was coming, and he’d asked Poe to do something. He looked up at Lou, at the crowd that Lou had told to back off of him...before. Lou was holding out headphones, an inquiry on his face, and Poe nodded dumbly. Lou placed them in his ears loosely, and tapped some buttons on his phone. Suddenly, Poe’s ears were full of Finn’s voice again, but it wasn’t too much.

“Poe, I love you so much. Never forget that, honey.” Finn’s voice was low, and though Poe must have listened to this recording a hundred times, he always felt a little rush of happiness at Finn’s statement.  _ He was loved. _

As Finn began to play the piano, Poe started to center back in on himself, to regain his other senses. He wasn’t dying. It was a panic attack. He wasn’t leaving Finn.

His fingers were buried in BB-8’s fur, and she was licking his arm, patient for him, always. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her big, warm body closer. “I love you,” he murmured into her fur, and she licked his face.

The voice memo wasn’t the best quality, it wasn’t like his piano playlist. But it was better in so many ways because Finn had made it for him. Every stroke of the keys was Finn declaring how much he loved him. Eventually, though, the memo ended as Finn’s song did, and instead of pressing play again, Poe took the headphones out and looked up at Lou, his face still buried in BB-8’s fur. “Did I hurt anyone?”

“Mostly yourself, buddy,” Lou said, voice low. The buzzing of the other patrons was less, now. 

Poe’s looked down at his leg, where he’d scraped it, ducking for cover. It was scabbing up already, the blood having stopped its slow ooze out. It didn’t bother Poe as much as the canned goods that were scattered everywhere. 

“I need to pay you back for this.” Poe’s voice was low and tired.

“Don’t wor-”

“In the back? Thanks.” Finn’s voice drifted from the front of the store, and Poe perked up, ignoring whatever Lou was saying.

When Finn found him, it was as if everything else in the world faded away. Everything was brighter, and more quiet, and his heart steadied further. Finn took a beat to examine the scene before crouching down beside Poe. “Hi, love. How are you feeling?”

“Shaky. Wanna go home.” 

“We can do that. Um, Lou, do we need to stay around for police, or…?”

Lou shook his head. “The asshole that scared Poe won’t be coming around here ever again, if I have any say, and since it’s my damn shop, I do.”

“Poe will want to pay.”

“Poe  _ does _ want to pay,” Poe said for himself, things growing clearer by the minute. He didn’t mind - loved when Finn took charge and helped him through a panic attack, but he hated when people talked around him as if he was a child. 

Lou pursed his lips. “Okay, Poe, I’ll let you know what you owe me.” 

Poe’s nod was stilted, like he couldn’t quite get his joints to cooperate. Finn was cupping his face with one hand, and Poe leaned into it, letting it steady him. 

“Think you can stand?”

Poe tried it, with Finn and Lou’s help. His leg was starting to ache, but it didn’t worry him. He’d had worse.

Finn’s arm was cinched around his waist, and Poe mirrored the gesture on Finn, leaning into him as they walked away in silence. Poe concentrated on Finn’s face as they left the store, rather than look at the surely judging faces of the bystanders.

Finn let them into Poe’s apartment - since the door incident, they’d exchanged keys - and guided Poe to the bathroom. “Is it okay if I wash off that cut, Poe?” Poe nodded, happy that Finn was asking him now instead of telling him. He hated feeling like a child. “And then, do you want to take a bath?”

Poe nodded again, then wrapped Finn in his arms, burying his face in Finn’s neck. “Will you take one with me?” Poe had gotten permission to have a larger tub installed in his apartment a year ago, but they’d still be a tight fight. That was okay for Poe, who had discovered that his confinement issues were rarely triggered if Finn was the one taking up the space with him. 

“Of course.” 

Methodically, Finn cleaned away the extra blood from the scrape as BB-8 stood at the bathroom door, peering in, a silent protector, ready for Poe’s call. Finn turned to run the bath, then carefully and quickly divested them of clothes. He put in a scoop of lavender Epsom salt, Poe’s favorite for post-panic attacks.

Before long, they were settled in the tub, Finn’s back to the wall, and Poe snuggled in between his legs, his head pillowed on Finn’s neck. Finn was humming something low and soothing, and Poe felt the heat of the water leaching the remaining tension from him. 

“What if I hurt someone?” It was a question he’d asked himself a lot, but he’d never said it aloud, not even to Rosie.

“You didn’t hurt anyone, honey.”

“But what if I do? I’m not...I’m not getting better.”

Finn’s voice was calm in his ear. “You know that’s not true, Poe. You’re doing better every day.”

Poe swallowed, decided to lay it out. “What if I hurt you?”

Finn’s thighs tightened around him as his hands swept over Poe’s stomach. “I think it’s very unlikely that I would trigger you like that asshole did today, since I know your triggers.”

“But if-”

“But if you did hurt me, I would forgive you, okay?”

“Just like that?”

“Yup.” Finn’s lips ghosted over his ear, and he leaned in, wanting to encourage it. 

They breathed together for a few minutes, just like that, Finn’s lips on his skin, their bodies moving as one, making ripples in the water. 

“I love you. Did I take you away from the piano lesson with Nickie?”

“She only had five minutes left. I told her I’d give her mom I’d give her five extra minutes next time.”

Poe smiled a little. “Talk about turning an enemy into an ally.” Nickie, and Nickie’s mom, lived in the apartment above Finn. After hearing his playing for months, Nickie’s mom Gloria had sought out Finn for lessons.

As the water cooled, Poe was lulled into sleepiness. He let Finn help him out, towel him off, and dress him in his favorite pajamas. Though it was barely dinner time, Poe was exhausted, and fell asleep almost as soon as he felt Finn wrapped around him.


	6. Movements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some shorts from tumblr I've written for this au.

It didn’t take Finn long to notice how many little piece of Poe’s routine involved kindnesses to others. Poe’s generous heart made Finn want to crawl into his arms and be comforted forever. 

There was the flower that Poe bought every day from the corner shop, for instance, that he gave to the little old woman who always brought her golden retriever to the dog park. 

There were the coins he gave to those who asked, or the conversations he had with homeless vets, affirming their humanity.

There was the way he always held the door open for Finn, but didn’t argue if Finn wanted to do it instead.

Every little kindness, Finn tried to repay back to Poe in his songs. What had started as a hobby to destress had become more meaningful for Finn now that he had an audience. An audience that appreciated him so much. His playing improved, and for the first time in years he’d been able to pull out the Yann Tiersen he’d bought ages ago and play it for Poe. 

Poe’s eyes were still closed when he finished. “It was beautiful, Finn. Absolutely beautiful.”

Finn blushed, pleased. “Thanks for being my inspiration.”

His eyes popped open. “I- what- really?”

Finn laughed a little, getting up from the piano bench and settling beside Poe on the couch instead, folding into him. “Yeah. You…” He brought Poe’s fingers up and kissed them. “You make me want to be better at everything I do.”

 “You make me want…to be.” He held his breath as Finn pressed a kiss to his palm, then his wrist, then over the scarred line there.

“I’m so fucking glad,” Finn whispered.

In answer, Poe pulled him closer, melding their mouths together. Finn sighed and melted into him. He’d happily keep repaying Poe’s small kindnesses.

* * *

For Poe, words were never enough. He never felt like he could say the right thing; something was always lurking there in his brain to trip him up. He knew he let Finn do the bulk of the talking most of the time, and he’d feel more guilty if Finn didn’t like to fill up the empty spaces with it as much as Poe liked to provide those empty spaces. 

Sometimes, words were too much, too hard to produce, and they’d tumble out of his mouth in the wrong order, and only make him more flustered, and he’d just quit. Quit with words. Quit with communicating. Just shut off until he could settle, rest, coax it out of himself once more.

He wished that, if words were lost to him, that actions could be his refuge, but even they betrayed him, his body reacting to stimuli before his mind had a chance to catch up and rationalize. He’d come out of his daze and find a broken glass, or scattering of canned goods across the floor, and feel awful.

There were so few times Poe felt like he could trust himself with his words or actions, except when he was with Finn. Because Finn would let him babble. Finn could translate his strangely-worded sentences or his stuttering or his silence. With Finn, he could be himself, not caught in the constant worry of how everyone was perceiving him. When he was holding Finn, stroking through his hair, breathing softly against his neck, words didn’t matter.

* * *

He was halfway home before reality started to hit. By the time he was knocking on Poe’s door, he was shaking. In anger or anxiety, he wasn’t quite sure. He just needed- he needed-

“ _Poe._ ”

As soon as the man opened the door, Finn was in his arms. He felt BB-8 sniffing around his legs, heard Poe’s startled sound as he was squeezed. For a split second, Finn worried that he’d triggered Poe’s confinement issues, or thrown his schedule off, but then Poe’s arms were sliding around him, hugging him back. “I quit,” he said defiantly, face half buried in Poe’s sweater.

“I’m proud of you,” Poe whispered to him, and that’s what tipped him over the edge. He sobbed into the wool, soaking it as Poe rubbed his back and murmured little nothings to him. He wasn’t sure if anyone had even been _proud_ of him before. _Fuck._ Poe knew how to undo him.

“Wh-what am I going to do, Poe?” he asked when he’d managed to calm down a little.

“Hey, you’re free now. You can do whatever you want.”

Something in the way Poe said, or the way he was rubbing Finn’s back, maybe, made him think of it. But it was true, he was free now, free from First Order, free to be who he wanted and love who he wanted. Still, it surprised both of them when the next words out of his mouth were, “I want to get a tattoo.”

 


	7. Fur Elise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our boys are sickeningly sweet and domestic...and then downright dirty.

There was a spring in his step as he walked down the street that had nothing to do with his back being on fire in a pleasantly annoying way. Okay, his back was driving him crazy, but considering his past history with his back, the itching of the healing tattoo was way better than the pain and shame he’d felt after his attack when he was a teenager.

The spring had nothing to do with the month-old tattoo, nor the fact that he’d just gotten _paid_ for the first time since leaving First Order. He’d lucked into a job as a secretary at a local mechanics shop, thanks to his connection with Lou, although Poe told him that the shop was lucky to have _him._ Finn smiled to himself. Poe would always be there to build up his ego. He really liked the job - and the lovingly bicker-y married couple that ran it, Rey and Jess Pava. He was still worried about his debt - he needed to call and ask about deferring school loan payments, or consolidating, or something - but the job itself was both challenging and fun. The piano lessons with Nickie and Angela covered his T, thank God, but rent _and_ health insurance _and_ loans…

Finn tried to put it away, because the spring in his step right now was all for his man. Tonight was about he and Poe. For various reasons - support groups, therapy, doctor’s visits, Finn agreeing to stay late at his new job to make a good impression - he’d barely seen Poe all week, and from the texts Poe was sending, he was just as sad about that as Finn was. They’d seen each other in passing, but hadn’t shared a bed in more than a week, and it had left a very obvious hole in his day. It was why he went straight to Poe’s apartment, knocking excitedly, happy to hear the little “boof?” BB-8 made. He hated to use the key and invade Poe’s space if it wasn’t an emergency.

Poe opened the door wide, his face split open in a grin that was all for Finn, and Finn was able to shove those financial worries to the side for the moment. Poe simply held out his arms, and Finn launched himself into them, both of them laughing as he picked Poe up and swung him around his living room. Then Poe’s mouth was on his as BB-8 danced at their feet excitedly, and everything was happy and light and wonderful.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Poe exhaled happily when he’d released Finn’s mouth. “You’re just in time to watch me fail at making dinner.”

Finn leaned back, happy, and poked Poe in the stomach. “You’re not going to fail at making dinner, because I’m here to help you.”

“You just worked all day. You should sit and have some wine.” A little distress leaked onto Poe’s face, and Finn leaned in to kiss it away.

“If I sit and have some wine, that cuts down on my Poe time. I think after a long day at work I should be given access to as much Poe time as possible,” Finn teased, nibbling on Poe’s bottom lip for emphasis. It wasn’t the first time Poe had expressed something like that, and Finn was pretty sure he was feeling inadequate, since he subsisted solely on disability payments from the government. Finn weighed whether to push the issue or not, but because Poe’s lip was tipping up in a smile again, he decided on letting it lie for now.

He let Poe take his hands and lead him to the kitchen, where he was pushed gently into the counter and told to stay. A smile on his lips, he obeyed, and was rewarded with a glass of wine and a kiss. “What are we having?”

“Burgers. That okay?”

“Sounds great, hun. Wine and burgers.”

“I like to keep it classy.”

Despite Poe’s claim of ruining dinner, he was actually a very organized cook. For Poe, following a recipe was a bit like following his schedule. As Finn watched, he tossed together hamburger and seasonings, then patted out a few patties - one for BB-8 too - to put under the broiler, telling Finn about his day all the while, and letting Finn share about his. As Finn turned on the sink for Poe so he could wash his hands, Finn leaned over to place a peck on Poe’s cheek. “This is really nice.”

Poe shook his hands off - he had this ritual because he’d heard once that the best way to dry one’s hands was to shake them twelve times before wiping them - then tugged Finn closer by his belt loops. “You know...I was talking with Rosie earlier today.”

“Yeah?”

Poe’s arms looped around his waist to bring him closer. “‘Bout how our schedules hadn’t worked out this week, and I missed you.” Poe leaned in, his forehead resting on Finn’s, his eyes closing, shutting out the world. He took a deep breath, and Finn knew that whatever Poe was about to say, it was going to be hard for him. He held his own breath as he waited. “And I was thinking how...how…” He hesitated, then apparently lost his nerve. “It sounds selfish.”

Finn’s breath came out in a little woosh. “Baby, you are the least selfish person I’ve ever met.” Poe scoffed, and Finn scoffed right back. “Nope. I’m not taking a different answer. Tell me what you were thinking, Poe.”

For a long moment, they rested, forehead to forehead, breathing together. Then, Poe finally answered, “Iwaswonderingifyouwantedtomoveinwithme.”

It took Finn a second to interpret. Less than a second to think of all of the protests of why he shouldn’t move in with Poe. In that moment, Poe rushed on.

“I have arguments… like saving on rent...and bills, so you could focus on your loans. And because you already have a drawer here. And your piano would fit in my living room. And we sleep here more than half the time anyway, I feel like. But they’re just excuses. I just want...I want to fall asleep in your arms every night and wake up to you every morning, and get every possible moment out of the day that I can squeeze with you.” Poe sighed, opening his eyes, the good one focusing on Finn’s. “But it’s selfish of me, to want that.”

Before Finn could answer, Poe’d turned away, placing the burgers under the broiler and getting out some buns to toast.

“I want to object.”

“I understand,” Poe mumbled as he idly scrubbed at a non-existent spot on the counter.

“I _wanted_ to object. That was my first instinct. Because...because I’ve been on my own for awhile, and that’s what I’m used to. I’m not used to having someone who wants to...help me. My immediate thought was - no, no, I can do this by myself. I can make it work. I’ll teach more piano lessons and go out less and… and maybe I don’t have to do that.”

“That’s not why I offered. Not really.”

“Maybe I need to...let someone help me. Maybe I want to wake up in your arms every day too. Maybe it’s okay for both of those to be reasons why I want to say yes.”

Poe’s eye was hopeful on his. “You do?”

Finn strode until he was standing in front of Poe. “I do.”

Poe looked like he couldn’t believe it, and then he was returning the favor from earlier, picking Finn up and swinging him around, making Finn tip his head back and laugh. Poe took the opportunity to press kisses along the column of Finn’s exposed throat after he’d set him down again, Finn’s hands scrubbing over Poe’s shaved head.

The bun popped up in the toaster, and Finn let Poe go, let him tend to dinner in his quiet way. But every five seconds or so, Poe would glance at Finn and grin, and Finn would feel elation fill him up until he wanted to dance around the kitchen to let some of it out. He settled with taking a sip of his wine and planning out in his mind what he was going to do to Poe tonight after dinner. He knew Poe saw it on his face, saw Poe lick his lips in anticipation. He also noticed the uptick in familiar little touches and caresses Poe gave him as he moved around the kitchen, and the bulge at the front of Poe’s pants that told him Poe was already turned on - a rarity because of his meds.

Burgers assembled, Finn and Poe sat at the small kitchen table, enjoying the simple meal while they planned how to merge their households - what to keep, what to get rid of, and so forth. Poe’s hand rested idly on his wine glass, the other playing along Finn’s thigh, as Finn mused about his belongings. “Hey, you’re going to be okay with strangers in the apartment for the piano lessons, right?” Finn asked, suddenly worried.

Poe took a sip of wine and was silent for a bit. “I think that...if you’d asked me two years ago, before I met you, I would have said no. But back then, I would have said no to you coming into my apartment, too, and now look where we are.”

“I’m so proud of you, baby,” Finn murmured, leaning over for a quiet kiss.

“I can’t promise...you know I can’t promise that I’ll always be in a state of mind to have visitors. But I think the odds are a lot better now than they used to be.”

“I think so, too.”

Poe let Finn pull him into his lap, and Finn tucked his head onto Poe’s shoulder as they breathed together, quiet, enjoying their time for just the two of them. Finn was in the middle of sucking a bruise onto Poe’s neck, secretly pleased at the idea of marking him, when he twitched violently, the tattoo on his back reminding him that it was still healing.

“You okay?” Poe asked, though the look on his face indicated that he seemed to know what was causing Finn’s discomfort.

“My back has been full-on ants-in-my-pants mode today.”

Poe leaned in, nibbling a little on Finn’s ear, before offering in a low voice, “Want me to take care of you, buddy? Wash your back in the shower, then rub lotion in?”

Finn smiled. He was pretty sure Poe enjoyed his tattoo more than he did, not that he wasn’t pleased. Oh, god, was he pleased with the black scrollwork crawling up his back that covered his attack scars with the message “FREE”. Every uncomfortable minute in the tattoo artist’s chair had been worth it. He’d burst into tears when the artist had showed him the final product in the mirror. But Poe - Poe whose burn scars could never be covered up by something like a tattoo - Poe was damn near obsessed with the tattoo like it was his own. Or, Finn mused, like he’d suddenly uncovered a new kink for tattoos, not that Finn minded one bit. Poe had confessed that he couldn’t wait for it to be healed so that he could fuck Finn on his hands and knees and watch the tattoo flex and ripple underneath him. Finn’s back had been too stiff for such exertion since the tattoo, although they’d still managed to have _some_ fun. And for now, Poe satisfied himself with very lovingly caring for Finn’s tattoo. It was in the later stages of healing, though, and tonight, Finn wanted _more._

“That sounds nice,” Finn managed, sighing as Poe continued to press kisses along his collarbone.

Apparently Poe wanted _more_ too. “You know what else would be nice?” Poe ground down a little into Finn’s lap, rubbing his cock against Finn’s packer. “I get you all good and lotioned up and relaxed, and then you let me ride your gorgeous dick until I come sobbing.”

 _Jesus Christ._ Poe may be quiet about his needs, about asking Finn for them, but when he did - _Jesus Christ._ It wasn't uncommon for them to talk out what they were going to do beforehand, so there'd be nothing to surprise Poe into a trigger. Being away from Poe and dealing with his healing back, though, Finn had kind of forgotten how fucking sexy it was to have everything laid out between them. “I love every part of this plan.”

Poe nibbled on his lips some more before sweeping inside. Finn could taste the wine still on Poe’s tongue, and he sighed, relaxing his jaw so Poe could have better access. It was so rare for Poe to be so turned on before they’d even really started. Finn thought it had almost been worth it to be apart for so long. _Almost._

Poe climbed off of him and pulled him to a standing position, then led him to the bathroom - _their_ bathroom now, Finn thought with a thrill. Having already sensed that Poe needed to lead, he waited expectantly, and his patience was rewarded when Poe started undressing him slowly. His fingers ghosted at the exposed skin of Finn’s waist after he pulled his button up out of slacks. Slowly, methodically, he unbuttoned each clasp, leaning over to press a kiss on the newly exposed skin, a sweet trail of kisses that moved all the way up until Poe was taking his mouth again. Finn shrugged the shirt off, and Poe tossed it to the hamper, then began to work on Finn’s bottom half. He knelt, placing a kiss on Finn’s belly button before sliding his slacks over his hips, taking the briefs that held his packer with them. A kiss to his hip bone, then more, moving in, until Poe’s lips very briefly pressed into his curls and found his clit, and Finn’s legs wobbled. He scrabbled for hold on the counter, spreading his legs wider to give Poe better access. Poe, it seemed, was in a teasing mood, though, because he continued to kiss lower as he dragged Finn’s pants down, butterfly kisses pressed to his inner thigh, then behind his knee, then all the way at his ankle. From that position, Poe flicked his good eye up Finn’s body to meet Finn’s eyes, and the sight struck Finn dumb for a second. As Poe repeated the process in reverse, kissing up his body, eye on Finn’s the whole time, Finn had to remind himself to breathe when his love threatened to rise up and choke him. At least it’d be a happy death.

When Poe had reached his mouth again, Finn had to fight with himself to let Poe keep the slow, going-to-kill-Finn pace that he was using. Finn sighed in relief when Poe stripped himself much faster, got the water going, and walked them back into the bath/shower combo. Humming a little to himself - Finn’s cheeks heated with pleasure when he recognized it as Für Elise, which he’d played for Poe the last time they’d been together long enough for piano practice - Poe poured shampoo into his palms and then scrubbed through Finn’s short, tight curls. Finn practically purred at the massage, eyes closing as Poe guided his head back under the water. Finn returned the favor, finding Poe’s mouth as his fingers washed Poe’s scalp, taking special care with the scarred parts. Poe grabbed the special anti-microbial soap for Finn’s tattoo, and gently applied it to the healing wound on Finn’s back. Finn felt Poe trace delicately over the ridges of the tattoo with his finger, light so as not to disturb the scabbing, but enough that Finn felt the letters as he traced them. It didn’t matter that the tattoo was on _his_ body, Finn thought as Poe cupped water and delicately washed the soap off his back. They freed _each other._ He let his eyes fall closed as Poe turned the water off, then pressed a kiss at the top of Finn’s spine, his arms circling around Finn’s waist to rock him a little in the lingering steam. Even as they cherished the moment together, the pressing of Poe’s erection along Finn’s ass reminded them both of what they wanted - needed - tonight.

Poe led Finn by the hand out of the shower, dabbing lightly at the tattoo with paper towels before drying both of them off. More kisses, long and languid, while Finn was pressed against the counter, then the door, then finally, one sweet kiss before Poe had him lay down on the bed on his stomach.

He fluffed a pillow and placed it under Finn’s head, leaving a light kiss on his cheek that had Finn feeling like he’d never been so cherished in his life. Finn felt the bed depress, and then Poe was straddling him, his hard cock sliding along Finn’s lower back now. There was a pause, and then Poe was rubbing hand-warmed lotion over his tattoo gently, the sensation making Finn sigh with relief. Poe moved away from the tattoo, massaging deeper into Finn’s tissue until Finn was a boneless putty beneath him.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Poe’s words whispered into his ear and fed his soul from the inside out.

Undone completely, Finn turned, slowly so that Poe could readjust on top of him. Poe leaned down, dusting kisses all over his face. “I love you,” Finn murmured against Poe’s lips, just before Poe took his mouth once more.

Poe’s fingers played over his pecs, traced over the ridges of his stomach muscles. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he whispered back to Finn. His hand found it’s way between Finn’s folds, where Finn was absolutely soaking, practically leaking onto the bed. He made his way through the plump, swollen vulva, tracing around Finn’s clit and dipping two fingers into his tight hole. “Do you want something inside? Or just your dick?”

Finn moaned, arching into Poe’s hand as he considered. “Just my dick, with the vibe, I think.” He watched as Poe pillaged the bed stand for their supplies - lube, his jock harness, the deep purple dildo affectionately known as “Finn’s dick,” and the remote-controlled bullet vibe that would fit inside and stimulate both of them. Poe pulled him up off the bed, holding out the straps for him to step into, then helping him tighten them around his thighs.

When he was strapped in, Poe crouched back to admire his handiwork. “How amenable would you be to letting me take a picture of you with this thing on, to get me through the dark winter nights?” he asked as he ran his hands over the straps that perfectly framed Finn’s ass.

Finn snickered. “I’m going to be there for you for all the dark winter nights, now.” He ran his hand affectionately over Poe’s scalp, since Poe was still admiring Finn below.

“Still. You are a thing of beauty. Divine. Can scarcely believe you’re mine.” Light kisses played over his cheeks, then his thighs, and then Poe was watching him again, intent as always, as he slid his lips around Finn’s dick, the motion pressing the dildo against Finn’s clit. At the same time, Poe turned the bullet on, and the vibrations nearly sent Finn tumbling into his first orgasm. He moaned Poe’s name, watching Poe bob on his dick, lips stretched wide. The bobbing and the vibrating did him in, and he came, knees buckling. Mouth coming off the dildo, Poe caught him easily and helped him land on the bed, then pushed him back to lay down.

“Turn the vibe off while I open you up, won’t you, babe?” Finn panted, the stimulation too much for the moment.

Poe nodded, flicking the remote, then turning around and straddling Finn again so he could kiss along Finn’s stomach. He quickly moved on, between Finn’s legs and lapping at the moisture there.

Poe’s cock was bobbing heavily near his lips, and Finn couldn’t help but bringing it to him, licking at the precum oozing from the tip, just to hear Poe moan. Reluctantly, he released it - a blowjob, however delightful for both of them, was not what they’d agreed on beforehand - and grabbed the lube, slicking up one of his fingers and working at Poe’s rim. Poe began to shudder as soon as Finn had worked one finger inside. “Good,” Finn murmured, always happy to see Poe lose himself in the anal play. It was the one thing that truly shook Poe apart more than anything else they did together.

By the time he’d gotten three fingers in Poe, stretching him wide, scissoring over his prostate, Poe had given up on going down on him and was a moaning, writhing mess, head resting on one of Finn’s thighs. “Ready,” he choked out, turning around to take the lube from the bed. He tossed Finn the remote for the bullet before slathering a generous amount of lube on Finn’s dick.

Rising up on his knees, he lowered himself back down onto the dildo, and Finn got the pleasure of watching it disappear inside him. When he was fully seated, the weight pressing the dick into Finn’s clit pleasantly, he began to rock in little circles, steadying himself on Finn’s stomach. This was the part Finn liked to watch - he loved watching Poe get off on his dick, loved watching him take so much pleasure from it he had to close his eyes to cut out some of his senses so that he could concentrate on the utter bliss.

Finn ran his hands over Poe’s hairy thighs, reveling in the texture and the power bunched in the muscles there, the smoothness of the skin. “There you go, baby. Ride my dick.”

Poe moaned and fell forward, his hips still rocking, his cock trapped between their bellies, spreading precum there. Finn turned on the vibe again, then took hold of Poe’s hips and began to thrust hard up into him. Every time he thrust, every time Poe rocked, the vibrating dildo slid over his clit, and it wasn’t long before he was reaching peak again, crying out as they moved together. They kept moving, and Finn’s peaks began to blend together into one long, continuous orgasm.

Poe whimpered as Finn latched onto his skin and began to suck bruises all over him. “You...you..gonna...come, baby?” Finn said between kisses, the stimulation on his clit moving into the too-sensitive zone, and wanting Poe to get off before Finn had to stop.

“Augh!” Poe cried, muffling the sound in Finn’s shoulder as he thrust harder and shuttled his hand over his own cock. He stiffened, his cum making a mess of their stomachs even as Finn switched the vibe off and ran soothing hands over Poe’s back.

“Jesus fuck,” Poe slurred into Finn’s neck.

From the other side of - _their_ \- apartment, Poe’s phone, still on the kitchen counter, began to go off in alarm, and BB-8 stuck her head into the bedroom in curiosity, whining a little.

“Yeah, be right there, BB.” Moaning a little, Poe eased himself off of the dildo, collapsing by Finn’s side. Finn immediately pressed himself into Poe, kissing him sweetly as he massaged Poe’s chest. “You want to go with me for BB’s walk?” Poe asked when Finn gave him the chance.

“Absolutely.”

They had a hard time keeping their hands off each other as they cleaned up. It was no surprise that when they walked to the park, BB-8 leading excitedly, they both had a hand tucked in one of the other’s butt pockets.


	8. Movements, 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another couple of tumblr asks for this AU.

“Has anyone ever told you you have magic fingers?” Finn sighed, eyes closed, head falling against Poe’s thigh as he sat on the floor in front of Poe, receiving a back massage.

“I’m pretty sure you have, on more than one occasion, baby,” Poe murmured back, sounding pleased with himself.

Thinking of exactly where Poe’s fingers had been the night before, Finn could only hum in agreement, then squirm a little, feeling the telltale heat beginning to build below. He turned his head a little, placing a kiss on the inside of Poe’s knee.

“Your fingers, though.”

Finn held up a hand, spreading his fingers wide and turning his hand to examine them. “What about them?”

“Is it possible to develop a fetish for just a particular set of hands?” Finn laughed. “No, I’m serious,” Poe insisted, pausing his massage to pull Finn’s hand into his, smoothing along Finn’s long fingers. “Your hands are gorgeous. They’re one of the first things I noticed about you.”

Finn turned partially, to look at Poe. “Really?”

“Pianist hands.”

“Well, yeah, I guess…”

Poe brought Finn’s hand to his mouth, kissed the inside of his palm, then every finger pad, so tenderly, Finn was quivering inside by the end of it. “I remember…them wrapped around a jar of wine. And settled against a door frame. I remember thinking…” Poe paused, nuzzling his cheek against Finn’s hand. “I remember thinking, God, what it would feel like to have those fingers inside me. They were meant to be inside me.”

“I-” Finn’s breath caught in his throat. “The night we first met?”

Poe let Finn’s hand fall back in Finn’s lap, then continued his massage, urging Finn to face front again. “Yeah.”

“But you didn’t- I made the first move every time.”

Poe chuckled low. “Yeah, well…”

Finn reached up for one of Poe’s hand, then brought it to his lips. “Doesn’t matter anyway. We ended up in exactly the right spot.”

He felt Poe’s kiss in his hair. “Yeah, we did.”

* * *

Finn smoothed a hand down Poe’s leg, then grasped one of Poe’s sweaty palms in his. “We’re going to make it, okay? I promise. If I have to break down the door of the church, we will make it,” he murmured to Poe, who was looking increasingly more agitated.

They’d been at Jess and Rey’s for a Christmas Eve party. Finn had no family to speak of, and neither did Poe, anymore, so they’d spent the last few Christmas Eves together, being warm in the apartment and watching Christmas movies that weren’t really Christmas movies like Rare Exports and Die Hard and Gremlins. Neither of them were religious, per se, except- except Poe’s ritual. 

Finn chewed his lip. Poe was doing really, really well, actually. When it had become clear the weather was going from bad to worse, they’d called an Uber right away, but the time it took to get to them, then the time it was taking to get home- Finn should’ve planned it better. He should’ve checked the weather better. He should’ve-

“It’s-it’s n-n-not your fault, b-babe.” 

Finn squeezed his hand harder, smoothing through the fingers with his. Heavy stuttering was never a good sign. Still, he tried a little smile. “How’d you know I was beating myself up?”

Poe’s good eye was steady on his face. “Because I know y-you, Finn, and I l-l-love you.”

“Shhh, honey.” He brought Poe’s hand up for a kiss. “I love you right back.”

The Uber driver had put on a Christmas radio station and basically ignored them, which suited Finn perfectly.

“If-if-if we don’t make it-”

“We’re going to make it,” Finn cut off fiercely, even as the sleet came down harder outside, screwing over visibility and slicking the roads to ice rink status. The Uber driver slowed to a crawl.

Poe just blinked at Finn. 

“We’re going to make it,” Finn repeated, a little less sure of himself, though.

Poe’s lower lip trembled a little, but he nodded. On the radio, a particularly slow, mournful version of Silent Night was settling in. Finn kind of felt like screaming. Instead, he held out his arms. “Want to lay down for a bit?”

Poe’s nod was shuddery, but he managed to stick the chest strap of the seat belt behind him without getting tangled. Then, he was lying somewhat awkwardly across the bench seat, head in Finn’s lap, as Finn stroked over his bare scalp.

“I wish I c-c-could just be okay with not going. I’m so-so sorry.”

Moving Poe away from his rituals was a tricky, long process, that normally took the cooperation of not just Poe, and Rosie, his therapist, but also Finn, and maybe even people like Lou. And they were released gradually, focused into more productive rituals or tasks, until they were eliminated entirely. This one, though, this one was tricky. It only happened once a year, first of all, and it was tied to a person who wasn’t here anymore, and who couldn’t help Poe release himself from the ritual.

The traffic on the highway was inching along. Slowly they passed a couple of fender benders, and a car being pulled out of a ditch. The pit in Finn’s stomach grew with each minute, just as Poe grew progressively non-verbal.

Suddenly, Finn was struck by an idea, and his fingers paused on Poe’s scalp for a second. “Babe, does it have to be St. Martins? Or just any Catholic Church?” 

“Any,” Poe whispered, burying his head further into Finn’s lap.

Finn pulled out his phone. “Siri, navigate to the closest Catholic church near me.” Finn’s heart started beating faster. “Hey, dude, do you mind if we take a change of route?”

The driver turned down the dogs barking Jingle Bells. “No problem, man. Where to?”

The choir was singing O Holy Night when Finn pulled open the door for Poe, who had visibly calmed the minute the Catholic church had come into view. Finn hung back at the door, dripping, uncomfortable now that they were here. He’d never really been one for places of worship. Poe wouldn’t need his help here, anyway.

He watched as Poe slipped a coin into the alms box, crossing himself before picking up a match and lighting a candle, murmuring words Finn couldn’t make out, though even if he could, he knew they’d be in Spanish. At one point, Poe glanced at Finn and nodded. He lit another candle, whispered more words, then bowed his head a final time before returning to Finn. 

Poe held out his hand, and Finn took it, holding it close to his body to keep it warm. “What’d you tell them this year?” he asked when they were both settled back into the Uber for the long trip home. 

Poe looked into his face, clasping his hands in Finn’s, looking shy but sincere. “I told Mama and Papa all about the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Poe-”

“And what a good man he is.”

“Baby.” Finn’s voice was full of emotion. He could feel tears prick at his eyes. 

“And I told them that I wasn’t sure if you’d have me, but if you would, then they’d know I was in good hands.”

Finn’s hands flew up to Poe’s coat, unable to control themselves any longer. A tug, and Finn had access to Poe’s mouth, and oh, how he took advantage of that fact. The kisses were soft, and quiet, both aware of the Uber driver two feet away. On the radio, Mariah Carey was singing her heart out about what she wanted for Christmas. 

“Just-” Finn took a second to catch his breath. “Just to be clear, you’re asking me to marry you, right?”

A  small, adorable look of confusion crossed Poe’s face, before it cleared, and was replaced with a wide smile. “Yes. Yes, that would be what I’m asking.” Finn laughed, leaning against his shoulder. “As long as that means...forever,” Poe added.

“Absolutely yes. Forever,” Finn vowed, nuzzling into Poe’s neck.

He heard Poe take in a breath to talk, but he didn’t make it before the Uber driver asked, “Dude, did you guys just get engaged in my Uber?”

Both Finn and Poe laughed, Poe’s blush showing across his cheeks even in the dark. “Uh, yeah,” Finn answered. 

“Well, then, congratulations! Oh, and, uh, Merry Christmas!” The driver nodded to the car’s clock, which read 12:00.

Finn made a mental note to tip well and leave a great review. “Thanks, man.”

“Let me give you a little more privacy,” the driver replied with a wink. Finn was wondering exactly how he could possibly do that when the driver cranked up the volume on Mariah and started singing loudly. “Celebrate away, buddies,” the driver added, before going back to the song.

Finn and Poe were both laughing desperately as they kissed.

_ All I want for Christmas is yoooooooou, bay-bay. _

* * *

 


	9. The Birthday Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe helps Finn celebrate his birthday
> 
> In honor of John Boyega's birthday!

“To Finn!” Rey raised her glass of wine, and everyone around the table took a drink.

“To Finn,” Poe murmured in his ear, taking a drink, then kissing Finn sweetly. The combination of the alcohol and Poe’s lips was leaving Finn pleasantly buzzed. “Happy birthday, baby.”

At the other end of the table, Jess and Rey were slicing the cake and passing around plates to their gathered friends. Finn laid his head on Poe’s shoulder, partially to keep better track of how Poe was dealing with the crowd. He’d excused himself once to take some time alone with Bebe, and had come back with a nod to Finn. Finn was proud of him. Since Finn had begun working at the garage, he and Poe had expanded Poe’s social group slowly and steadily, but he still didn’t really like being around all of them at once. He’d persevere for Finn, though. He’d persevere, and do what he needed to do to make it work.

Finn raised their joined hands and kissed Poe’s knuckles as he watched his friends socialize animatedly with each other. They’d come a long way, and Finn couldn’t be prouder of himself, or Poe, or both of them.

And in a few short months, they’d be legally bound to each other, forever, the way they were bound to each other already emotionally.

Finn shared his cake with Poe, letting Poe feed him bites, laughing when the chocolate ganache smeared over Poe’s lips.

Eventually the party wound down, and Finn was pleasantly full of good food, a little high on chocolate and love for his fiance and friends, and more than a little buzzed from the wine. When he stood, the blood rushed to his head and he swayed, letting Poe steady him as he giggled a little. Still, he had to lean a little on Poe as they walked hand-in-hand down the street, but Poe was steady as a rock, and gentle as a- as a- as a gentle rock? Finn giggled again at his thought, watching Poe shake his head and smile over at him.

At their building, Poe handed Bebe’s leash over to Finn and propped Finn up against the side of the alcove, then laughed himself. “You are the cutest drunk.”

“‘M’not drunk,” Finn protested, even as Poe pressed him to the wall and kissed him soundly. Poe cupped his face when he was done, searching Finn’s eyes, though Finn was pretty sure Poe’s kiss had made him even more cross-eyed. “Jus’ buzzed. Happy. The cool air woke me up a bit.”

Poe smiled, shaking his head again. “Whatever you say, buddy.” He stole another kiss, then turned to punch in the code and open the door for them.

They made their way up to their apartment, Poe spending the short elevator ride kissing Finn until his mind was swimming more with Poe than with alcohol. Christ, he knew he was soaked below, could feel it as Poe pressed his thigh in between Finn’s legs, shifting his packer pleasantly, frustratingly against his vulva.

Poe led them to their door, and steadied Finn against the wall. “I have a surprise but I have to go in and set it up. Do you mind waiting here for a minute?”

Finn shook his head. “Hurry, though. I’ve got a surprise, too.” He pulled Poe’s head closer. “It’s me, I’m the surprise.”

Poe grinned wolfishly at him. “My favorite surprise,” he whispered before closing the door.

While Finn waited, he slid down the wall a little and ran his fingers through Bebe’s beautiful coat, making the the German Shepherd shiver with happiness. “Who’s a good dog?” he couldn’t help but murmur, and Bebe wagged her tail. _It’s me! It’s me!_

A few minutes later, Poe came to retrieve them, letting Bebe run free as he led Finn inside. “Close your eyes,” he whispered in Finn’s ear, and Finn did, absolutely trusting Poe. Poe took Finn a few steps, and Finn heard the front door close, then Poe was back at his ear, whispering, “You can open them now.”

Finn let out a soft exhale as he took in the living room, filled with a dozen white, softly flickering lit candles. “Oh, honey. It’s beautiful. Thank you.” He turned to kiss Poe, could feel Poe’s smile against his lips.

“Happy birthday,” Poe murmured, pushing Finn gently down onto the couch. “There’s more.”

“I _hope_ there’s more,” Finn said with a wink.

Poe grinned back. “Yeah, that, but a little later.” He moved to the piano and open the key cover, settling on the bench.

Finn straightened a little, suddenly more interested. “Did you- Did you learn something, for _me?”_

Poe turned and winked at him. “Pretty sure I learn everything for you. But, uh, don’t get too excited, here.” He turned back and settled his fingers over the keys nervously. Slowly and methodically, with great concentration, he plunked out the melody of the happy birthday song. When he’d finished, he turned, and Finn knew he was absolutely _beaming_ at Poe. He jumped up.

“That was _beautiful_ , baby, and I loved it. Scoot over.” Finn adjusted his fingers over the higher keys and played a flourish. “Do it again.”

Then Poe was playing, and Finn was playing harmony with him, and when Poe stumbled, Finn was there to help him get back on track. This was his favorite, playing with Poe. Having fun with Poe. Destressing with Poe. When they’d finished a round, Finn leaned in to kiss Poe soundly. “I love it, Poe. Absolutely love it.”

Poe leaned their foreheads together. “I love _you._ ”

“I love you, too.” Finn rose, still a little unsteady, still happy, but more sober than before. “Come to bed with me?”

Poe stood as well, but led Finn to the couch again. “We’re not quite there yet.”

Finn drew Poe’s hand gently to cover the juncture between his legs. “Believe me, I’m there.”

Poe laughed, kissing Finn again. “I _know._ But I’ve got one more surprise. A present.” He pushed Finn down on the couch and sat in his lap. Reaching to his back pocket, he drew out a folded piece of simple lined paper and handed it to Finn.

Finn snuggled Poe closer to him and unfolded the paper, curious.

 

_A humble request to the pianist:_

_Will you marry me?_

 

Finn took a deep breath in and out, unsure of why he was so affected. The wedding was already planned, but-

“You deserved a better proposal than ‘Poe was messed up with anxiety and accidentally proposed in the back of an Uber.”

“Baby-”

“No, I know.” Poe settled his head onto Finn’s shoulder and sighed. “What I meant to say is, these came about a week ago, and I- I wanted to do it properly.” Poe drew two small boxes out of his pocket and opened them for Finn to see. Inside, their simple white gold wedding bands were nestled in velvet, shining up at Finn’s suddenly blurry eyes.

“Yes,” Finn whispered, holding up his hand. Poe slipped his ring on quietly, and then Finn performed the same for him, clasping Poe’s left hand in his when he was done. “Yes, yes, yes.”

Poe settled deeper into Finn, kissing at his neck, at his cheeks where his happy tears had fallen. “I considered doing something with Bebe, but this won out.”

“It was perfect. I love you.” Finn cupped Poe’s face and kissed him soundly. “Anything else?”

“The next step of my plan was to take you to bed and make you come 7 million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand-”

Finn laughed. “You’re so fucking ridiculous.”

“Well, I’ve lost count, anyway, so hopefully you’ll just be okay with ‘a lot.’ I want to make you come, a lot. I want to lay you down and worship you, because it’s your fucking birthday and you deserve it.” Poe sucked a mark under Finn’s ear, and Finn shivered.

“Well, no protest here.” Finn pulled back to look Poe in the eyes. “And you’ll let me know if you want something?”

Poe nodded, standing and pulling Finn up. He slipped an arm around Finn’s waist as they walked around the living room and blew out the candles. They headed back to the bedroom, leaving the door cracked for Bebe and Poe’s mutual comfort.

The alcohol still in his blood slowed and softened everything a little, like honey pouring into tea. When Poe drew off his jacket and started working on his button up, Finn waited patiently, watching Poe’s hands work. As Poe revealed Finn’s skin, he pressed light kisses there, making Finn melt. Poe really was going to worship him, he realized slowly.

When Finn’s shirt was off and draped over a chair, Poe turned him, slowly working kisses over Finn’s back, over the tattoo, tracing with lips and tongue and fingers. _Free, Free, Free_ \- some people would think of the ring on his finger like a shackle or a handcuff, a ball and chain. Those people were fucking idiots, Finn decided. His tether to Poe was a lifeline that let him be free.

With his lips still on Finn’s neck, Poe reached around to work on Finn’s belt. It thunked as it hit the floor, and then Poe was guiding him to step out of his pants and briefs.

“God, you are-” Poe let out a big breath, running his hands over the gentle curves of muscles on Poe’s arms, over his ass. “Perfect.” He turned Finn around and walked him back to the bed, then quickly divested himself of his own clothing.

Finn fell back into bed, scooting up and over to make room for Poe, smiling up at him and throwing his hands over his head. He brought his ring hand back down, though, and admired it in the low light of the bedroom. “I love it, Poe. I mean, I know we chose them together, but I love it.”

Poe slid in next to Finn and looked up with him. “It looks amazing on you.” He raised his own left hand to compare, and smiled. “Looks good on me, too.”

“Fuck yeah, it does.”

Poe grinned and turned, wrapping Finn in his arms and kissing him thoroughly, again and again. Slowly, surely, Finn’s already mushy brains melted and leaked right out of his ear. All he was capable of was sighs of encouragement, sounds of enjoyment, as they made out.

Eventually, Poe moved on from Finn’s lips, ghosting down his throat and over his pecs. He spent some time bringing Finn’s nipples to peak, one at a time, as Finn shifted restlessly under him and moaned.

Finn felt swamped with pleasure, his vulva swollen and slick, but Poe was relentless in his methodical approach to Finn’s body. He laved into Finn’s belly button, traced over the lines of Finn’s abs, pressed kisses into Finn’s hip bones. Every press of lips said _I love you_.

When Poe finally, blessedly, reached Finn’s curls, here, he wasted no time, finding Finn’s clit directly and suckling it into his mouth. Finn moaned as pleasure shot through him, through his limbs, making them shake, as he came for the first time. “Fuck, Poe, your mouth is amazing.”

He felt Poe grin against his clit and chuckle, the vibrations making him shudder with pleasure.

Poe was just as relentless and methodical eating him out as he was with everything else. Finn knew from experience that Poe could keep this up happily for absurdly long periods of time, that he loved it, that being surrounded by Finn’s lips, his strong thighs sent quivering with Poe’s work, was a comfort rather than a trigger, as long as Finn didn’t grab his scalp. So Finn settled back, fisting into the sheets instead, and let himself enjoy.

When Poe focused on something, he tended to laser focus, obsessively, and Christ, when it manifested in something like this, Finn knew he was in for a ride.

Poe’s tongue was fucking into his hole, and he had two slick fingers in Finn’s ass while Finn frigged his clit, the both of them working Finn toward his peak again, for whatever time, Finn had lost count. He’d lost all sense of time, or place, just riding on the sensations vibrating through his body. They were covered in sweat and his slick, and exhaustion was wearing him down. When he came again, this time, his whole body vibrated, bowed, and he fell back against the sheets, spent. “Oh, fuck, baby. Y’rso’goo’t’me,” he slurred, patting Poe on the head.

His face shiny with slick, Poe grinned up at him, then began working his way back up Finn’s body, kissing his stomach, his heart, his neck. Poe’s cock poked him insistently in the hip.

Finn cupped Poe’s cheek and kissed him, tasting himself all over Poe. “You want some help with that?” he whispered, sliding his hand down Poe’s side. “Want me to make you come?”

Poe nodded, kissing Finn again. “Yes, yes, please.”

Finn wrapped his hand around Poe’s cock and started to jack him. He was swollen, achingly hard, leaking after their extended play. He buried his face in Finn’s shoulder, and Finn used his free hand to stroke over Poe’s scalp, murmuring in his ear how good he was, how much he loved him. Poe stiffened, coming all over Finn’s stomach and collapsing against his side.

Finn continued to strove Poe's head and murmur to him as Poe came down from his high. In a few minutes, Poe shifted his weight off Finn and brushed his lips over Finn’s mouth.

Finn groaned and stretched on the bed. “Fuck. That was- fucking _amazing_ , baby. But we are _gross._ ”

Poe grinned and kissed his cheek. “You’re not wrong.” He stood, pulling a groaning Finn up to his feet to retreat to the shower.

Later, a much cleaner Finn and Poe settled onto much cleaner sheets, and Finn wrapped his arms around Poe to drift into sleep. “Thanks for making me feel special for my birthday, baby,” Finn whispered, barely keeping his eyes open.

“Oh, was it your birthday? I just thought this was for a random Friday.”

Finn laughed, curling his arms tighter around Poe and drifting off to sleep.


	10. Finn gets sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is really, really sick.
> 
> (This jumps back in time to before Finn has quit his corporate job at First Order)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> write the sick fic you want to see in the world   
> ~Idk, probably someone somewhere said that
> 
> If you didn't know why Poe's hoodie is red: http://topographical-map-of-utah.tumblr.com/post/157404015099/day-6-of-stormpilotweek2017-any-au-soo

Finn rolled over in bed, groaning, then immediately wincing and regretting his decision to make noise. HIs mouth felt like it was full of cotton balls, it was so dry, and he could barely swallow around his sore throat. He whimpered, letting himself wallow for a few seconds before he pushed himself out of his covers and onto his feet. He felt like a zombie, shuffling to the shower and using the steam to try and clear out his blocked sinuses. 

The shower was marginally successful, although when he tried to speak, nothing but a whisper-soft sound came out. He thunked his head against the tiles and felt like crying, though he knew that would only make it worse. 

He  _ had _ to get going, or they’d give his job to some other corporate drone-to-be, always waiting in the wings. He was so replaceable he might as well have a number, he thought bitterly. 

He fumbled his clothes on, tying his tie cursorily as he leaned against the wall. Getting his shoes on was no easier: leaning over to tie them, he got dizzy and almost overturned.  _ Fuck. _

As he grabbed his keys, his eyes flicked over the bright red hoodie on the couch and he winced.  _ Fuck fuck fuck. _ If Poe didn’t have his hoodie, he’d be stuck inside the apartment all day. And he had therapy today. 

After shuffling miserably down the stairs, Finn leaned up against the door jamb and knocked. He closed his eyes as he waited, leaning his head in against the door jamb, too. 

“Finn?!”

Finn snapped awake. He tried to say something, but only a scratchy, hoarse whimper came out. He coughed into his elbow and pushed the hoodie toward an increasingly alarmed-looking Poe. “Forgot this,” he managed to whisper around his swollen throat. 

“Baby, you look-” Poe came forward, placing one of his rough palms on Finn’s forehead. “You’re burning up.” 

Poe’s hand did feel blessedly cool on his forehead, and he closed his eyes again, leaning against the door jamb and the hand and-

Poe caught him when his weight redistributed and he fell through the open door. “Finn, baby, you need to lie down,” Poe murmured, or at least it seemed liked Poe was murmuring. Everything sounded fuzzy. 

He tried to pull his heavy body off of Poe’s weight, but Poe wouldn’t let him, circling an arm around Finn’s waist and pulling him over, then down, onto the couch. 

Finn felt everything in his body give up, it seemed like, at the relief of sinking into the couch cushions. His head fell back and he closed his eyes.  _ I have to go to work- I have to get up and go to work- I need to move my legs.  _ “Work,” he mumbled, barely above a whisper. “I have to-” 

Something cool and wet was being draped over his forehead, and he fluttered his lashes open. How was he so out of it that he hadn’t even heard Poe go to the kitchen? The cloth felt like heaven, though.  _ Okay. You can do this. Don’t sink any further into the couch. _ He heaved himself up, struggling, then hit the resistance of Poe’s hand. He grunted quietly. “Have to go to work,” Finn managed. 

“Baby, it’s Saturday.” Poe pushed Finn lightly, sending him deeper into the couch. “And you’re not going anywhere.”

_ That’s the best news I’ve ever heard, _ Finn thought, and some of his relief must have shown on his face because Poe smiled a little. 

Poe moved back and pulled Finn’s legs up onto the couch. “There you go. Lie back.” He fluffed a pillow behind Finn’s head, and pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and tucked Finn into it. 

“I’m going to get you some tylenol. Do you want BB?”

“Mmhmm,” Finn whimpered, lifting the blanket slightly. Poe signaled BB with a whistle and the German Shepherd jumped up next to Finn on the couch. Finn sighed, sinking his fingers into BB’s fur and closing his eyes. He felt Poe’s fingers sweep over his hair, his lips brushing over his cheek. 

 

Hours later, Finn woke himself up mid-snore, his fingers still buried deep in BB’s fur, feeling blurry but slightly better. 

“Hey, honey,” came softly from the vicinity of the armchair. 

Finn blinked and looked over at Poe, smiling a little. “Hey,” he tried, but it came out a whisper. 

Poe frowned as he crossed the room and felt Finn’s forehead. “Think your fever broke. I’m going to make you some tea, and some chicken soup.” 

Finn’s eyes closed in relief. “Thank you.” 

“Shhh, it’s okay, baby. Don’t talk.” 

 

The next time he opened his eyes, Poe was helping him to a sitting position and pushing liquids on him. 

“I went to the store-” Poe broke off, rubbing a light finger over the furrow in Finn’s brow. “It was just a quick trip, and I called ahead, so Lou had my order all ready to go.” Poe smiled as Finn’s face relaxed. “So I went to the store and got supplies, and I went upstairs and got a set of pajamas for you.” 

Slowly, Poe fed him soup, and slowly, Finn’s aching throat felt slightly more bearable. Sitting up and eating took it out of him, though, and he let his eyes close. 

“Let’s get you changed before you fall asleep again, honey.” 

In that weird way time moves when one’s sick, Poe was suddenly taking off his work suit, and at the same time every movement felt incredibly slow, like his limbs were moving in molasses. Eventually, even though he didn’t remember when or how, Poe had him in his pajama bottoms, dosed with cold meds, and was rubbing Vaporub into his chest. Finn moaned a little, dazed in his sickness, but loving the feeling of Poe’s hands on him so much. No one had ever touched Finn the way Poe did, with love and care, like he was precious.

With Poe’s hands on his chest, he slipped into sleep again.

 

This time, waking was better. He felt like he’d actually been able to sleep comfortably, and he could even smell things. Right now, he was surrounded by the scent of Vaporub and Poe, and he hummed. As he opened his eyes, he realized Poe had put him in his red hoodie. It was tight across his shoulders, but otherwise fit okay. He played with the cuff, overcome with feeling. 

“You were shivering in your sleep, but you quieted down when I put it on,” Poe murmured, coming to sit on the edge of the couch. He rubbed his thumb over Finn’s cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“I-” Finn coughed, clearing gunk from his throat, which thankfully didn’t feel like it had been punctured by a thousand needles anymore. “I love you,” he rasped. 

Poe’s eye warmed, and he smiled down at Finn. “Yeah?”

“Wanna kiss you, but I’m so gross,” Finn squeaked. 

“Oh, baby.” Poe cupped his face and placed a tender kiss on his forehead. “I love you too, so much.” 

“Didn’t get to play for you today.” 

“I had my recording. Don’t worry about me.”

With Poe’s help, Finn sat up again on the couch. Poe bundled him in blankets and cuddled into his side, holding him sweetly as they watched some screwball comedy on Poe’s TV. 

**Author's Note:**

> Came chat with me on tumblr about all things Finn and Poe! @animalasaysrauer
> 
> PS Comments and kudos make my day for reals :)


End file.
